Men jokes - Page 268

Boys talking about girls Boys talking to girls

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Men jokes

I want other baby. That's a relief. I didn't like this one either.

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Men jokes

- I don't think you even know what a hard drive is.
- I've driven cross country with my wife, three kids and a dog. I DO know what a hard drive is

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Computer Jokes Men jokes

Holiday season is around the corner so here's а step by step recipe to соok stuffed whole chicken in аn oven: Step 1: At least look at the fricking chicken!

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Men jokes

I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very
Sternly and said,
"I want her home by midnight, young man!"
I said,
"What do you mean? You already own her home!"

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Good jokes Men jokes

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Monday morning a man bumped into the priest, “Good morning Father, you should know, I was by your sermon yesterday, and I couldn't fall asleep last night!"
“Why what was it that I said?" asked the priest.
“Oh no, I wasn't listening to what you said, I slept the whole way through."

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Religion jokes Men jokes

There was a knock on the door this morning.
I opened it to find a young man standing there who said, “Hello sir, I’m a Jehovah’sWitness …”
I said. “Come in and sit down.”
I offered him coffee and asked, “What do you want to talk about?”
He said, “Вuggеrеd if I know. I’ve never got this far before.”

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Religion jokes Men jokes

“Тiтs man or аrsе man?” I was asked.
I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names.

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Men jokes Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.

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Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

In 1940 two men were flying from New York to Los Angeles on what was then a new DC-3. The left New York and when they landed in Philadelphia, a red truck drove up to put fuel into the wing.
A little while later, they landed in Pittsburgh and, again, a red truck pulled up to fill the tanks with fuel.
Each time they landed to discharge or take on passengers, a red truck would pull up and add fuel to the tanks. Finally, after landing in Kansas City and seeing truck pull up again, one said to the other, "we sure are making good time."
Said the other, "yes, we are, and so is that red truck!"

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven."
To the first man the Lord asked,
"How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked,
"How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked,
"So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

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Religion jokes Men jokes BMW jokes

What’s that worthless piece of skin attached to a man’s реnis called? … …
…
…
The man.

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Confucius say:
“Man who confuse constipation pills for Viаgrа, сrар in bed”

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Men jokes

If you feel unsure about a new haircut, ask a man if it looks okay. But ask him many, many, many times. Never be satisfied with his answer.

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Men jokes Attitude Jokes

I won first prize at the Halloween party for best costume which was male genitalia.
I never even entered. I just went to pick my wife up and forgot to take off my bluetooth headset.

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Men jokes Halloween Jokes

The man who discovered copper died penniless.

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Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A senior couple pulls up to a rest stop to get something to eat.
Waiter:
"How may I help you?"
Elderly Man:
"Two hamburgers, please."
Elderly Lady:
"What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]:
"He asked what we wanted and I told him 'Two hamburgers'!"
Waiter:
"So, where are you heading?"
Elderly Man:
"To Chicago to see our grandchildren."
Elderly Lady:
"What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]:
"He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to see the grandkids!"
Waiter:
"It sure is a nice day for a drive."
Elderly Man:
"Yes, it's been quite pleasant."
Elderly Lady:
"What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]:
"He said it's good weather!"
Waiter:
"Where are you coming from?"
Elderly Man:
"We started our trip from Pittsburgh."
Elderly Lady:
"What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]:
"He asked where we're from and I said Pittsburgh!"
Waiter:
"I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She wouldn't shut up and couldn't cook if her life depended on it."
Elderly Lady:
"What did he say?"
Elderly Man [yelling]:
"He says he knows you!"

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Men jokes Old People Jokes

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. There, he sees St. Peter at the entrance.
Before he went in, Peter stopped him and said,
"Sorry, but you have told too many lies to be allowed here."
The man looked at him sadly and said,
"Have a heart, you were once a fisherman yourself."

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Religion jokes Men jokes

A man was cleaning out old clothes from his closet, planning to give them to charity. In the pocket of a suit coat he found a shoe-repair ticket, about ten years old.
"I believe that place is still in business," he thought, so he went down to the shop. Without saying anything, he presented the ticket.
The man behind the counter looked at the number and said,
"I'll have them for you tomorrow."

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Men jokes Business jokes