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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The ole cowboy produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the cowboy from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and safely parked it.
Two weeks later, the ole cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni From Texas A&M, a highly sophisticated investor and a multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The good 'ole Texas boy replied, 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
3 best friends decide to travel to an lonely little island somewhere near the Bahamas in the hopes of having a relaxing camping trip, for old time’s sake.
They arrive by water plane, and the pilot informs them that he’ll be returning to pick them up the next day. The men, happy to finally be alone start sunbathing, talking about their lives (most of the talk being complaints), and simply having a good time.
One of the guys decides, he wants to build a sandcastle, because, why the hеll not. He starts digging up some sand, and asks his best friends to help him out. They start digging, and finally, one of them exclaims:
“Guys! look! Its a lamp!” The guys looked at each other and instantly knew what to do: all three of them simultaneously gave the lamp three rubs.
Suddenly *рооf* a genie came out of the bottle! The three guys felt like this trip just couldn’t get any better.
The genie, in the most Will Smith voice possible says:
“you three, you have freed me! I shall give each one of you three wishes as a sign of my gratitude!” The first guy instantly responds:
“i want health for myself, and my entire family.” And the genie grants his wish.
The second guy responds:
“i want the same thing, seems like a good idea. However, if you could add upon that that all current illnesses, genetic or otherwise would disappear, it would be great.” The genie replies “yeahhh sure” and *рооf* his wish is granted The third guy said he needed a while to think. After about 30 minutes, he exclaimed:
“ive got it! I want my right hand to spin clockwise until I die!” The genie, dumbfounded, asks “are you sure?” And the third man simply said “yes, 100%” and his wish was granted.
The first guy then said “its my turn again! I want to be wealthy enough to buy anything i’d ever want, and i want to see proof of it.” The genie granted his wish and *рооf* a phone appeared in his hand showing the first guy’s bank statement. $10 Billion dollars have been deposited on his bank account.
The second guy, agreeing to his logic, said “i also want money. But i’d rather have it in physical goods, like houses, or gold bars” *рооf* another phone appears showing a page with all the real estate and investments that the second guy now owned, all worth around 10 billion dollars too.
The third guy, having thought about this thoroughly throughout the last few minutes, simply said “i would like my left hand to spin counter-clockwise until i die” the genie thinks to himself, this man MUST have a plan with all this. And simply grants his wish.
Back to the first guy. He now wished for him, and all his loved ones to be immortal, and to stay at the age of 35 until they decide, on their own terms, that its time for them to leave this planet. The genie, granted his wish just like all the other ones before him.
The second guy, who we now know is the least creative of the bunch mutters nothing else but “same”. And the genie grants his wish too.
The third guy however, was still thinking. His left and right hand spinning in opposite directions he shouted:
“i want my head to rock back and forth as if i was on a rock concert until i die!” At this point the genie didn’t even care anymore and just said “aight man, whatever”.
The men, all happy with their wishes decided to meet up again in ten years to discuss their lives.
They met up in Monaco, one coming on his yacht, the second on his private jet, both with beautiful wives and kids, and sat down at a table in the most expensive restaurant in town. The third guy then arrived, his hands still spinning and his head still rocking back and forth, almost knocking over the table. He apologised and they began talking about their lives. The first and second guy are so happy with their new lives that they have tears streaming down their cheeks. They talked about the wonderful houses theyve built, the investments theyve made, and the vacations theyve had. Suddenly they realised that the third guy hasnt said a word. They ask him, “what about you? Hows your life? How did your wishes work out for you?” And he looks at them, a tear rolling down his eyelid and says “guys, i think i fuскеd up”
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class.
Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad.
To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him.
"Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military.
The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military.
The Marine Corps is a cult.
The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'."
So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?"
Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation.
Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other."
By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did.
"What did you do in the military, dad?"
"Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."