Money jokes - Page 22

A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him:
- Hey, What happens to you?
- (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car.
- Well, don't care and buy another car.
- Look inside the car!
- Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all.
- Look inside her mouth!!!

53 0

Yo mama is so sтuрid that she thought starbucks are money in space.

35 0

Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Stupid Jokes

The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
"Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.
A few actually smirked.
But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

34 0

Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door.
The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door.
A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."
"What?" askes the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her тiтs for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hun?
I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"

35 0

Pet Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Boob Jokes

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested.
Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.'
After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'

34 0

Kids Jokes Money jokes Banker Jokes

The economy got very bad in 2020.
I saw a рiмр driving a beat up old Volkswagon.

64 0

Car and driving jokes Money jokes

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub.
He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes.
Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition."
"The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?"
Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words."
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.
She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."

34 0

Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

I and my two mates went to a hоокеr and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch.
My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner!
My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50!
I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.!
"What do you mean," they asked me.
"I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."

77 0

Dirty jokes Money jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

The policeman tells Johny at the police station following:
"The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?"
Johny: "Only three euros."
The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."

65 0

Police Officer Jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"

34 0

Parent Jokes News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Dad Jokes

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it.
Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks.
So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a вееr and he ask the Bartender about the contest.
The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free вееr on the house.
So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing!
EEEHHH!
He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of вееr.
As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?"
The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career."
So the next night.
The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse:
Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free вееr from the house.
The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one."
The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something.
The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying.
When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says."
Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?"
The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my реnis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."

35 0

Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors."
Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"

35 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes

Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.

70 0

Donald Trump Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes American Presidents Humor

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

35 0

Military Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man knit his brow.
"Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

35 0

Scottish Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Father's Day always worried James.
He was afraid that he will get a gift he can't afford.

37 0

Father's Day Jokes Money jokes Make My Day Laughs

Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.

35 0

Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes

Why don't black people pay rent?
Because jail is free.

37 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Money jokes Prison Jokes Black People Jokes

So, a gаy man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wаd of bills.
When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wаd of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand."
The gаy man stood up.
The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns."
"Okay," the gаy man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"

35 0

Gay and Lesbian Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Greek,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Неll:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Greek.

35 0

Religion jokes Money jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Banker Jokes