Money jokes - Page 46

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup.
A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"
And the man said,
"Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"
And the beggar said,
"Who buys retail?"

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A newspaper editor announces that there's enough money in the budget to install a newsroom chandelier. The reporters huddle and send a spokesman to say they're against it.
"Against it? Why?" the editor asks.
"First," the reporter says,
"No one on the staff can spell 'chandelier' well enough to put it on an order form. Second, I don't believe that anybody here can play one if we had it. And third, if you got that much money, we think you should get a hanging light instead, to brighten up the office!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Business jokes

Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

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Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

I fell in love with my wife at second sight.
The first time I didn’t know she had money.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars.
Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned

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Money jokes Horse jokes

It’s incredible how many scams are on the internet these days but for only $19.99 I can send video about how to avoid them. Please email money to [email protected]/* */

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Internet Jokes

What do you call it when you put all your borrowed money in a single place, isolated from all your other money?
A loan to gather.... [Alone Together]

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Money jokes Single People Jokes Banker Jokes

I married my wife for her money.
And believe me, I’ve earned it.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

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Money jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial.
When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’

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Money jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the guy he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked,
"Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes

A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Christmas Jokes

Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second…

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Money jokes God Jokes

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason

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Money jokes

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

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School Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

I used to make a lot of money in houses but then the police tracked me down and confiscated my printing press.

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Money jokes Police Officer Jokes Political Jokes

Redneck: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender Anant gives him a drink.
Redneck again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.
Anant again gives him a drink.
Redneck again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.
Anant: When on earth the fight will start?
Redneck: When you will ask for money !!!

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Money jokes Redneck jokes

You Might be an Internet Hobo if:
You spend more time online trying to find a way of making money than actually making money.
You have more than one degree from an online university.
Your little black book is full of usernames and passwords.
Your space is My-space.
You think a vacation is Google’s earth.
Your 15 minutes of fame is on You-tube.
Road rage means a dial up connection.
You hear your kids say "the snail man's here".

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Men jokes Internet Jokes

I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance, she leaned over and pushed me.

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Money jokes One-Liner Jokes Banker Jokes