Money jokes - Page 47

A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said,
"Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked,
"I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said,
"Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sеx, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."

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A husband and wife are moving out of their house and are starting to box everything up. The husband finds a box under the bed, pulls it out, and looks inside, where he finds two eggs and about $8,000. He approaches the wife and asks, "What are the eggs for?" She replies,
"Every time I cheat on you, I put an egg in the box." He says,
"That's alright, you've only cheated on me twice. What's the money for?" The wife replies,
"Every time I get a dozen, I sell them!"

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Money jokes Relationship Jokes

If time is money…. Facebook owes me like…27 billion dollars…

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Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

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Money jokes

A рrоsтiтuте with a single room decided she would get a partition installed so she could entertain 2 clients at once. A builder knocked up the partition in no time, and after he’d finished, he asked for his money. The girl explained that she didn’t have it, but that she could pay for the job with sеx. The builder complained and complained, then finally agreed, saying sеx was better than nothing.
“I like it doggy style”, he said.
She positioned herself accordingly. He slobbered on his thumb and forefinger before inserting them in her rear orifices. She squealed in surprise.
In a deep and completely dominating voice he said.”Now give me my fсuкing money, or I’ll rip out your partition”.

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Money jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes

(Dumb Criminal) Never pick the pocket of a guy wearing a wedding ring!
(Trainee) Why, because he’s a family man and needs the money?
(Dumb Criminal) No, because his wife already beat you to it.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes

Genie: Whats your first wish?
Dave: I wish I was rich.
Genie: Granted, what’s your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money.

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Money jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Why don't cows ever have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry.

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

A woman was notified that her grandmother just passed away and left her a big inheritance.
The instruction were, "My dear I left you some money but you need to log on to this account I had set up for you with my bank. The money should be right there in the CD I had set up. But you need a computer in order to get your money."
The granddaughter was excited and went to her home computer and logged on to the account. She was sad that after 10 minutes of waiting she did not see the money coming out from the CD-ROM insert. Her husband came home to see his wife sitting in front of the computer with a very sad face. He asked his wife, "What's the matter my lovely wife I thought you would be happy to received that kind of inheritance?"
The wife replied, "I would if the dang computer would just spit the money out."

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Computer Jokes Grandparent Jokes Banker Jokes

What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
The cost.

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Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Men are like..... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

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Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Coffee Jokes

What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Thiruvananthapuram. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside Kerala. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid ваlls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am a jolly gаy. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not suскing tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.. I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for you.

I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.

What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours Kutty

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A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

As soon as the dentist asked the patient to sit down, he pulled out his wallet. Seeing this the dentist said,
"Please don't, you don't need to pay me now."
The patient answered:
"Pay you! I just want to count my money before I'm unconscious!"

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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dentist Jokes

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. …
…
Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he had set up three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the gentleman answered, “Why yes, I couldn’t help but notice you have no ears.” Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” and she replied: “Well, you have no ears.” Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: “Do you notice anything different about me?” And to his surprise, the young man answered: “Yes. You wear contact lenses.”
Merv was shocked, and said, “What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?” The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Disability Jokes

Tech experts say Facebook is planning to launch a service that lets users send each other money using the site’s messaging feature.
Said moms, “Oh, so NOW you’re happy I’m on Facebook?”

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Money can’t buy happiness, but it can rent it for a couple of hours.

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Money jokes

A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money.
‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk.
The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Banker Jokes

I loaned a blind guy some money.
It’s OK though. He said he’d pay me back next time he saw me.

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