School Jokes

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There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna сuм laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
Lawyer Jokes School Jokes
How can you tell a lawyer is lying?A: Other lawyers look interested. Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors. Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?A: Now she’s a loan shark. Q: Where do vampires learn to suск blood?A: Law school. Q: How do you define double jeopardy?A: When a lawyer calls in her partner. Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?A: All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it. Q: What's worse than pleading guilty to мurdеr?A: Getting jail time and getting robbed--hiring an attorney to defend you. Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
Lawyer Jokes School Jokes Banker Jokes Vampire jokes
Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked
"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest сriме rate..."
"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said,
"Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Aviation Jokes
How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men) ----------- He does not have a вееr gut... He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys) He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys) ----------- He is not quiet... He is a Conversational Minimalist. He is a SAMS grad. ----------- He is not sтuрid... He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development. He is a field grade. ----------- He does not get lost all the time... He discovers Alternative Destinations. He gets temporarily misoriented. ----------- He is not balding... He is in Follicle Regression. He has a REALLY squared away high and tight. ----------- He is not a cradle robber... He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He is breaking the new fraternization policies. ----------- He does not get falling-down drunк... He becomes Accidentally Horizontal. He practices his IMTs in the club. ----------- He is not short... He is Anatomically Compact. He suffers from a Napoleon Complex. ----------- He does not have a rich daddy... He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion. He has the Army as a hobby. ----------- He does not constantly talk about cars... He has a Vehicular Addiction. He must be a Transporter. ----------- He does not have a hot body... He is Physically Combustible. He is a PT stud. ----------- He is not unsophisticated... He is Socially Challenged. He is a Ranger. ----------- He does not eat like a pig... He suffers from Reverse Bulimia. He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut. ----------- He is not a bad dancer... He is Overly Caucasian. He is from the Muddy Boots Army. ----------- He does not hog the blankets... He is Thermally Unappreciative. He is a Blue Falcon. ----------- He is not a male chauvinist pig... He has Swinе Empathy. He must be combat arms. ----------- He is not afraid of commitment... He is Monogamously Challenged. He loves TDY.
Drinking and Drunk Jokes School Jokes Beer Jokes Military Jokes
Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after all.
1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4. Q:
"Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A:
"No."
Q:
"Did you check for blood pressure?"
A:
"No."
Q:
"Did you check for breathing?"
A:
"No."
Q:
"So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A:
"No."
Q:
"How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A:
"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q:
"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A:
"It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did he кill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
10. Q:
"So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A:
"Yes."
Q:
"And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q:
"She had three children, right?"
A:
"Yes."
Q:
"How many were boys?"
A:
"None."
Q:
"Were there any girls?"
12. Q:
"You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A:
"Yes."
Q:
"And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q:
"Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A:
"I went to Europe, Sir."
Q:
"And you took your new wife?"
14. Q:
"How was your first marriage terminated?"
A:
"By death."
Q:
"And by who's death was it terminated?"
15. Q:
"Can you describe the individual?"
A:
"He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q:
"Was this a male, or a female?"
16. Q:
"Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A:
"No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
17. Q:
"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A:
"All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
18. Q:
"All your responses must be оrаl, OK? What school did you go to?"
A:
"Оrаl."
19. Q:
"Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A:
"The autopsy started around 8:30 p. M.."
Q:
"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A:
"No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."
20. Q:
"Are you qualified to give a urinе sample?"
A:
"I have been since early childhood."
Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes School Jokes
#sale On peut dire ce qu'on veut des pédophiles mais ce sont les seuls à ralentir devant les écoles... Du kan sige hvad du vil om pædofile, men de kører langsomt forbi skolezoner. C'est quoi le truc positif chez les pédophiles ? Vous êtes sûr qu'ils vont rouler lentement dans les zones scolaires. Ting er aldri så galt at det ikke er godt for noe. Ta de pedofile for eksempel. De kjører alltid sakte og forsiktig forbi barnehager og skoler.
School Jokes