School jokes, Teacher Jokes

What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?
Don't do that, you have so much potential!

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Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that [email protected]#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

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Nerd jokes School Jokes Boss Jokes

Philosophy 201
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam…
After a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words:
“What chair?”

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Philosophy Jokes School Jokes

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?
Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

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Chemistry Jokes School Jokes

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar
They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

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Asian jokes Math Jokes School Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Teacher: Kids what are something you have that make you happy?
Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy.
Kid 2: I have my friend to make me happy.
Teacher: What about you Sean?
Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy…

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes School Jokes

My female science teacher was gloating about how scientists have discovered a way to make stem-cells develop into working sемеn.
She was telling our class that the human race no longer needed men.
I laughed at her and said;
“Okay, with no men, where the fuск are you going to get a scientist?”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Science jokes School Jokes

In demonstrating the division of powers within the government, the teacher used the family structure as an example.
One boy stood up and said, “It looks like my mom’s the president then, because she veto’s everything.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Political Jokes School Jokes

I was in sеx education class when the teacher pointed at the diagram and asked, “What is this called?”
I put my hand up and answered, “That’s a мingе, Miss Stevens.”
She rolled her eyes, and replied, “Give me a medical term, please.”
“Oh, sorry,” I replied. “That’s a мingе, Doctor Stevens.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes School Jokes

A teacher asks his pupils, “Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?”
Little Johnny puts his hand up.
“One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments.”
“Very good, Johnny,” says the teacher. “And the other?”
“Your mum’s a сunт.”

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Office and Work Jokes Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Chad: Why do magicians do so well in school?
Josh: I don’t know. Why?
Chad: They’re good at trick questions.

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School Jokes

When Chuck Norris was in kindergarden he made his teacher spit out her gum.

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School Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question... The child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss.......... She turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male рrоsтiтuте miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
He plays rugby for england but im to ashamed to say!!!

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes School Jokes

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that 'Won Ton' spelled backward is 'Not Now'.

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes

My chemistry class had a party
My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

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School Jokes Chemistry Jokes

Fathers Then and Now
Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding nакеd down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a. M., shouting:
"Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note:
"Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."
In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams:
"I wanted Sеgа!"
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
In 1900, fathers said,
"A man's home is his castle."
Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."
In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."
In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters' suitors with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So... How long have you had that earring?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Christmas Jokes School Jokes Fitness jokes

Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.
When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.
The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me sir, I am here to see my son, Johnny. I am his dad."
Teacher surprised and confused asks, "Are you Johnny's real dad? I thought Johnny's father had passed away?" Johnny's Father is confused.
The teacher realized what was going on. So he quickly turns to the class and calls out “Johnny, your dead father is here to see you."
Johnny's heart beats faster and he grows small, but looks up to the teacher and whispers "How the heck did he came back alive."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!

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School Jokes Animal Jokes

Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
Student: Bambalakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I don't understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes

I used to smoke behind the bike shed at my old school.
Fuck knows why. It’s a 10 mile walk from my office.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Stupid Jokes