School jokes, Teacher Jokes

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!
What's tennis players favourite city?
Volley wood!
How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping ion!
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!
What is a runner's favourite subject in school?
Jog-raphy!
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
Ince pies!
What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
Both do hat tricks!
Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!

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Why don’t some teachers like to break wind in public?
Because they’re private tooters.

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School Jokes Military Jokes

What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The Food!

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School Jokes Food Jokes

Scientists have discovered that some fish have реdорhilе tendencies.
Specifically, the ones that swim outside the school.

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School Jokes Criminal Jokes

About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.
No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Aviation Jokes Military Jokes

Government planed to implement Sеx Education in school.
School authority wanted to send our George’s wife Lucy for special training course in Sеx Education.
Lucy:
“No Sir..! I don’t want to take part in that course.”
Principal:
“No..! But why ..?!”
Lucy:
“Somebody told me yesterday.. The Final Exam will be Оrаl!”

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School Jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes Superhero Jokes

Johnny puts his hand up. “Miss,” he says. “Would you do аnаl?”
“I beg your pardon?” says his teacher.
“I mean, would you take it up the аrsе miss?”
His teacher explodes. “You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!”
“Good,” beams Johnny. “I was hoping you would.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.”
“I’m surprised,” said the owner.
“I’ve never taught that bird to swear.”
“Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor.
“But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”

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School Jokes

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

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Math Jokes School Jokes

So i was paired up with the really smart and hot girl in our Physics class to write an essay on Issac Newton's theory of gravity. So she said why don't we call it what Newton called it, "What goes up, must come down." Of course i agreed so that night we went to her house and started on our research, we had a nice glass of wine for good luck and we started. She asked if i could take the lead and start so i agreed and said why don't we try what Newton meant with what goes up must come down. She was good with that, so i asked her this morning when you were getting dressed for school you put on your skirt and wore your blouse and shoes and left the house right? She said yes, i said that's perfect because that would mean your skirt went up so lets see it come down. Blammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Wine jokes

Johnny's teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked,
"Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?"
"They was in, but they is out now," he answered.
The teacher gasped, "Why, Mr. Johnny Morton, it is 'They were in, but they are out now.' Where's your grammar?"
"She's upstairs taking her nap."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Chuck Norris has heard the actual voice of Charlie Brown's teacher...

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School Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Father:
"You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son:
"Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."

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School Jokes

My biology teacher tells me that I need to focus more in lessons.
They say I always ask off topic questions. But I'm just interested, that's all.
Science is interesting. Apparently there is a species of fish called "irrelevant".

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Science jokes Fishing Jokes Biology jokes School Jokes

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.
I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

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School Jokes Math Jokes

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor

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School Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.
That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

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Science jokes School Jokes

The 12-Step Program for Internet Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash the dog, get the kids off to school, all before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book... If I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear what is happening on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on my computer.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time.... And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes Banker Jokes Coffee Jokes

Little Johnny got home from school and told his mum " I just had my first sеxuаl experience!"
His mum replied "I'm going to speak to your dad about this when he gets home. Go to your room." So little Johnny goes to his room.
When his dad gets home his mum tells him about little Johnny's first sеxuаl experience.
His dad says "I won't get too angry at him because at his age, I was looking for my first sеxuаl experience to."
When he gets to little Johnny's room he asks him "So how was it?"
Little Johnny replies it was Great! The only downside is my аss hurts."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

There was a disturbing story on the 11 PM news tonight about Cadmus, a 14-year-old Greek boy, who has run away from home.
Cadmus’ school friends said that he doesn’t like the way his father is rearing him.

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