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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels hоrny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sеx, because a dildо should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden реnis from inside. The cashier states that the dildо has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Diск, the door!”
The wooden реnis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly тhrusт itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Diск, the lamp!” The wooden реnis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to тhrusт in and out. “Voodoo Diск, return to your box!” The wooden реnis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid.
The man chooses to buy the wooden реnis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Diск: “The cursed dildо can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!”
The man nods and heads home.
Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sеx toy works, and then leaves for his trip.
A few days later, the wife becomes very hоrny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Diск, my рussy!” The dildо zooms into her vаginа, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildо out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden реnis still inside of her vаginа. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Diск inside of my vаginа and it won’t come out!”
The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief.
“Voodoo Diск my аss, вiтсh.”
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An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his ваlls and a lamp.
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In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam.
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two воовs and he had ’em.
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There once was a man named Adair
That was fсuкing his вiтсh on the stairs
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
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There once was a barmaid named Gale,
On whose вrеаsтs was the menu for ale.
But since she was kind,
For the sake of the blind,
On her аss it was printed in Braille.
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There once was a man named Matt
Who was short, bald, ugly, and fат.
I’m willing to bet,
The only рussy he gets
Is when he goes home to his cat.
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There once was a man from Bombay
Who made a c*nt out of clay
He stuck in his dick
The thing turned to brick
And rubbed his fоrеsкin away
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There was a young lady from Kew
Who filled her vаginа with glue.
She said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
They’ll pay to get out of it, too.”
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There once was a man from Cape Horn
Who wished that he’d never been born.
He wouldn’t have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his соndом was torn.
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A gentle old lady I knew
Was dozing one day in her pew.
When the preacher yelled “Sin!”
She said, “Count me in!
And as soon as the service is through!”
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There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a sсrеwing machine.
Concave and convex,
It could please either sеx,
And it played with itself in between.
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There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all.
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Се е исто. - Жената май предаде Богу дух. От седмица сексът е същият, обаче чиниите се трупат... - Comment savoir si votre femme est morte? Vous baisez toujours autant, mais la vaisselle sale s'empile. Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink. Komt een man bij de dokter en zegt: dokter ik denk dat mijn vrouw dood is!?! Vraagt de dokter: waarom denkt u dat? Zegt de man: nou de seks is hetzelfde maar de afwas blijft maar staan… Hvordan ved du, at din kone er døde? – Jeres sex er det samme, men opvasken er begyndt at vokse i håndvasken Che cosa pensi se tua moglie muore? Il sesso e’ lo stesso ma la pila di piatti e’ in aumento. Che cosa pensi se muore tuo marito? Il sesso e’ lo stesso ma conquisti il telecomando. Hvordan du forstår at kona er dau? Sexen er som vanlig men oppvasker samler seg opp.. Jak poznáte, že je vaše žena mrtvá? Sex je pořád stejný, ale v kuchyni se hromadí špinavé nádobí. - Să ştii că am impresia că nevastă-mea a murit. - Eşti sigur? - Nu ştiu ce să spun. În pat este ca înainte, doar că se adună vasele nespălate în bucătărie de vreo săptămînă! Død kone Hvordan opdager man at Ens kone er død? Hun knepper som Hun plejer, men Opvasken vokser og vokser! I finally determined that my girlfriend has been dead for a while… The sεx is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up. Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The sex was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."
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Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sеx so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sеx and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “ОМG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
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En karl gick till läkaren och klagade över för tidig utlösning. Läkarens gav honom råd: - När du närmar dig utlösning försök skrämma dig själv! Mannen köpte en startpistol. Kom hem och satte... "Pane doktore, já mám problém. Já trpím předčasnou ejakulací. Jak se ženy jenom dotknu, skoro okamžitě se udělám. Manželka z toho nic nemá, jí se to nelíbí, furt mi to vyčítá a nechce se mnou spát.... Miehellä oli ongelma ennenaikaisen siemensyöksyn kanssa, joten hän päätti mennä tohtorin luokse. Hän kysyi tohtorilta, että mitä hän voisi tehdä parantaakseen hänen ongelmansa. Vastauksena tohtori...
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