Thanksgivings jokes

A man went one Thanksgiving to get a turkey from a live poultry farm.
"Do you have any turkeys going cheap?" he asked.
"Nope," said the owner. "All our turkey go gobble, gobble.'"
Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use fowl language.
What's the most musical part of a turkey?
The drumstic
Which cat discovered America?
Christofurry Columbus.

82 0

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "вiтсh" and the women called the man a "ваsтаrd".
Their son walked in and said, "What does вiтсh and ваsтаrd mean?" and the parents replied, "Ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sеx, the women said, "Feel my тiттiеs" and the man said, "Feel my d*ck".
Their son walked in and asked, "What does тiттiеs and d*ck mean?" and the parents replied, "Hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself. "Shiт," he said. The kid came in and asked, "What's that mean?" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F*ck" she said. Once again the kid asked, "What's that mean?" The mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door веll rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said, "Alright you вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds, put your d*cks and тiттiеs in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shiт off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey!"

23 0

Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes

One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word “shiт”.
He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him “coats and jackets”.
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word “fuскing”, and for a second time, asked his father what it meant.
His father promptly said “cooking”.
Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words “вiтсhеs and hoes”.
He went home and his father told him it meant “grandpa and grandma”.
Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says: “Hey вiтсhеs and hoes! I’ll take your shiт to the closet cause dad’s in the kitchen fuскing the turkey!"

42 0

Parent Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes

There was an elderly widow who lived in a large mansion. She was feeling generous when it came to Thanksgiving, so she called up the local military base, and asked to speak with the lieutenant.
"Please send up four nice young men to eat dinner here on Thanksgiving, but please, don't send any Jews. Please, no Jews."
The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am, and I am sure I speak for the army when I say we all appreciate your kindness."
Well, Thanksgiving rolled around, and the widow went to answer the door when it rang. She was surprised to see four black recruits. "But... But... There must be some mistake," she stammered.
One of them replied, "No ma'am, Lieutenant Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."

79 0

Jewish Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Military Jokes

Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, "I'm sorry to tell you but your mother and I are getting a divorce.
I just cannot tolerate any more of her constant complaining. We can't stand the sight of each other any more. I'm telling you first, Jerry, because you're the oldest. Please tell your sister."
When Jerry calls his sister Julie in Miami, she says: "No way are they getting divorced. I'll go there for Thanksgiving and talk them out of it."
Julie phones here father and tells him: "You must not get divorced. Promise me you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Jerry and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action. Please listen to me." Then she hangs up.
The father puts down the phone, turns to his wife Frances and says, "Good news! Jerry and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving, and they're both paying their own way."

83 0

Thanksgiving Jokes

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

87 0

Christmas Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes Single People Jokes

One Thanksgiving, a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!
" Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, "He gave you the bird!"

18 0

Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

It was the first time a blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family, so she prepared a dinner by herself. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
"Mom, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" the blonde said.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde replied. "It wouldn't sit still!"

39 0

Blonde Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "вiтсh" and "ваsтаrd" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sеx. He later asked what "реnis" and "vаginа" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas - we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

41 0

Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll need license plates for your shoes.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving next time you wear leather pants to a party, people will sit on your воотy thinking it's a couch.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving your next Facebook profile pic will have to be an aerial shot.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Facebook Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving, the highway department will make you wear an "Oversize Load" sign every time you take a walk.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll have to iron your pants on the driveway.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving next time you go to a restaurant, instead of a menu, you'll get an estimate.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes Restaurant Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll put mayonnaise on aspirin.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving you'll get turned on reading a cook book.

0 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Fat Jokes

One Sunday, a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor noticed that someone had contributed a $100 bill. Extremely grateful, he wanted to personally thank the generous person before the whole congregation.
A quiet, elderly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she pointed to the three handsomest men in the congregation: "I'll take him and him and him."

61 0

Looking Good Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

This was a really, really big year for me.
I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

14 0

Looking Good Jokes Dark Humor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

You'll be so fат after Thanksgiving your driver's license will say "picture continued on other side."

52 0

Car and driving jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes