Travel and Tourist Jokes

An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport.
“You must take the loyalty oath first,” the passport clerk said.
“Raise your right hand, please.”
The old gal raised her right hand.
“Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?”
The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, “Well, I guess so, but. . . Will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?”

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Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car he walks.

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Car and driving jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Flirt jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Why are there no women on the moon? Because it doesn't need to be cleaned

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Sexist Jokes Jokes about Women Travel and Tourist Jokes

Once Chuck Norris went back in time and kicked a ball.
When it landed it wiped out the dinosaurs.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Yo mama so fат when she went to outer space NASA thought they discovered a new planet.

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Yo Momma Jokes Science jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Chuck Norris can take the bridge to nowhere and actually reach his destination.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Wherever you go, Chuck Norris will already be there.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Wedding jokes

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

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Teller:
"Why did the blonde move to L.A.?"
Blonde:
"I don't know. Why?"
Teller:
"It was easier to spell."
Blonde:
"Easier than what?"

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Blonde Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the соw-boose.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office.
When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television.
I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you....
- No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa...
2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time...
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom?
3 - Keep your spe cs in the box..
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 - Salary already paid to maid.
No need to be extra generous.
5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs...
And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work....
7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.
No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again.
8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended.
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days.
So sleep early....
10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee...
They all w ill be out of station in this period....
11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one.
I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least.
12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you.

Happy vacation

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Stupid Jokes Coffee Jokes

In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal.
He answered:
"Where?"
The country went bankrupt.

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When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?
When it's on the train.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Car and driving jokes

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat.
The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo.
The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again.
He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."

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A blonde, a brunet and a red head were in a competition to see who could swim 60 miles accross a river.
The brunet swims 30 miles, gets a cramp and drowns.
The red head swims accross 30 miles, gets bit by a shark and drowns.
The blonde swims 30 miles accross, says:
"I'm tired." and swims 30 miles back.

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Blonde Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Someone asked Chuck Norris to climb Mount Everest.
After his 10th endeavor, he wrote a book.
"Ten Different Ways to Climb Mount Everest"

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Travel and Tourist Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes