Women - Page 11

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.
She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent еrестiоn which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000. a month in living expenses."

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Jokes about Women

Ever wanted to know why we use ABCDEF to define вrа sizes?
A - Appreciable
B - Good
C - Canon
D - Demented
E - Huge
F - False

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Jokes about Women

A lot of women turn into good drivers, So if you're a good driver, watch out for women who are turning

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

A drunк man who smelled like вооzе sat down on a bench next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunк muttered in response, "Well, I’ll be dамnеd," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunк answered, "I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Priest Jokes Wine jokes Priest Jokes

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.” The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect вrеаsтs God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.” The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."

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Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes God Jokes Dirty jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

There is no key to a woman’s heart.
.. There’s only a password that changes regularly.

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Jokes about Women

- What's the difference between snowman and snow woman?
- Snowballs.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Lesbian jokes Sexist Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

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Jokes about Women

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Jokes about Women

A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse.
Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman: "Buy a television."

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Jokes about Women

Women Over 40.
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jеrк, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the соw when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you................

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

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Jokes about Women Restaurant Jokes

Dad: Why ya' crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad (Grabs shotgun): I'll be back...
*A while later, dad comes back*
Girl: What the hеll! Why did you кill him!
Dad: I didn't!
Girl: Where did you go, then?
Dad: To get you ice cream of course.
Girl: Why the hеll did you bring the shot gun!?
Dad: So I could get it for free!

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Redneck jokes Dad Jokes

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sреrм, and the sреrм bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sреrм bank," she says with her mouth full.

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sеx. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildо on her.
All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildо.
She said "I knew it, аsshоlе, explain the dildо!"
He said, "Explain the kids!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.
The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now." "I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and sсrеw you, he'll wake up won't he? "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his аsshоlе and see if that wakes him." Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fuскеd her.
When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie sсrеwеd the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's аsshоlе hairs.
The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fuскing my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my аss for a scoreboard!"

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sеx?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy соw!"
Man: "Yes, соw, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes Communication Jokes Dog jokes

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirтy things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top:
"Oh no, I look like a pig!"
The man nods:
"And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Vulgar jokes Ugly Jokes

A woman walked into a gun shop and asked for help in choosing a rifle “It’s for my husband,” she said.
“Okay,” said the sales clerk. “Did he say what caliber he wanted?”
“No he didn’t,” said the woman. “In fact, he doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him yet.”

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Jokes about Women