A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't hоrny. I'm homesick." 27 0 0
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?One, but it really has to want to change. 0 0 0
A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant. A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster. After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster.The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples. The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable соск." 39 0 0
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody. 71 0 0
- A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.- You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.- You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m.- You can make coffee as sweet as you want.- You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long.- No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.- Coffee doesn't talk to you.- Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise.- Coffee stains are easier to remove.- Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less.- When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away.- When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a рuве in the back of your throat.- Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water. 38 0 0
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?A: I don't know, but where'd she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen? 19 0 0
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?A: She blew it both times. 0 0 0
When she was like 17 or 18 years old, she won a beauty contest back in Pennsylvania.She ran like three miles a day; she jogged; she swam six, seven miles a day. She was in really good shape, and she won a beauty contest. She was a good-looking woman. Now, she's 93 years old and really let herself go. 0 0 0
Why So Much Milk?A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman."Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?""No," says the woman. "Up to my тiтs will be fine." 35 0 0
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky 'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely."What are you doing?," the female egg asked.He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon." 32 0 0
Печурки Ε, δεν ήθελε να φάει τα μανιτάρια!!! Χήρος για τρίτη φορά Μανιτάρια - Ваши первые четыре мужа отравились грибами, пятый упал с лестницы. Как вы это объясните? - Τί έγινε ρε Μπάμπη, πώς πέθανε η πεθερά σου; - От какво умря първата ти жена? Разговор между двама мъже: Двама приятели си приказват: - Hur dog din första man! - Han åt giftig svamp. - Hur dog din andra man? - Han åt giftig svamp. - Hur dog din tredje man? - Honom slog jag ihjäl - Varför det? - Han vägrade äta min... Sag mal, wie geht es eigentlich dem Meier?" "Hat gerade seine dritte Frau beerdigt!" "Woran starb denn seine erste?" "Pilzvergiftung!" "Mein Gott, und die zweite?" "Pilzvergiftung!" "Mein Gott. Und... I domstolen: - Hur dog er första fru? - Hon åt giftig svamp. - Och er andra fru? - Hon åt också giftig svamp. - Den tredje då? - Hon blev ihjälslagen. - Hur gick det till? - Hon vägrade äta... No boteco, o bêbado desabafava com um amigo: — Tive três mulheres... As três morreram... — Sério? — pergunta o amigo, assustado — Mas como isso pôde acontecer? — A primeira comeu cogumelo... Kobieta mówi znajomej, że wychodzi po raz czwarty za mąż. - Jak wspaniale! Mam nadzieję, że nie będziesz miała mi za złe, jeśli spytam, co się stało z twoim pierwszym mężem? - Zjadł trujące grzyby... Un agente assicurativo viene invitato ad un matrimonio. Viene a sapere dagli altri invitati che quello è il quarto marito della sposa; così, incuriosito, non appena ha l’occasione di avvicinarsi a... Oficer NKWD przeprowadza inspekcję w podległej jednostce. W podziemiu koszar widzi trzy trupy. Pyta więc po kolei: - Ten, co? - Zmarł, bo zjadł trujące grzyby. - A ten? - Także zjadł trujące... Deux amis discutent ensemble, ils ne se sont plus vu depuis un bout de temps: - J'ai entendu que tu t'es remarié. - Oui, c'est ma quatrième fois. - Et les précédentes ? - Toutes mortes, toutes. -... Am ramas vaduva de 3 ori… povesteste o tanara de 35 de ani. - Cum se poate? Nu pot sa cred, se mira cineva. Toti trei? - Da, primii doi s-au otravit cu ciuperci. - Si al treilea? - A murit din... Twee vrienden die elkaar jaren niet gezien hadden komen elkaar tegen. En natuurlijk is de eerste vraag "Hoe gaat het met je". "Nou, niet zo goed eigenlijk", zegt de een, "Ik ben nu al voor de derde... Moteris giriasi savo draugei, kad ruošiasi tekėti jau ketvirtą kartą. - O kas atsitiko tavo pirmajam vyrui? – domisi draugė. - Suvalgė nuodingų grybų ir mirė. - O antrajam? - Suvalgė nuodingų grybų... Jim: „Slyšel jsem, že jsi se zase oženil?” Joe: „Ano. Počtvrté.” Jim: „A co se stalo s tvými předchozími manželkami?” Joe: „Všechny zemřeli.” Jim: „Jak se jim to stalo?” Joe: „Ta první se otrávila... Un signore si sta per sposare per la quarta volta e allora la fidanzata gli dice: - "Ma per che cosa è morta la tua prima moglie?" - "E poverina, ha mangiato i funghi avvelenati!" - "E la seconda?"... Olen ollut naimisissa kaksi kertaa, mies kertoi toiselle baaritiskillä. Ensimmäinen vaimoni kuoli syötyään myrkyllisiä sieniä ja toiselta vaimolta murtui pääkallo. Kauheaa, toinen mies päivitteli.... A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time."How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.""Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?""He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died.""Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.""He died of a broken neck.""A broken neck?""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms." 85 0 0
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.The wife smiles, "Let the old вuggеr dig. I had him buried upside down!" 22 0 0
Where's the Husband?Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!""I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there."The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is.""Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!""Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow." 25 0 0
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"The groom replies, "I just had the best вlоw job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"The bride replies, "I just gave the last вlоw job of my entire life." 44 0 0
Talk Dirty to Me If a man talks dirty to a woman, that's sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that'll be $6.50 a minute. Όταν ένας άντρας λέει χυδαιότητες σε μία γυναίκα είναι διεστραμμένος. Όταν μια γυναίκα λέει χυδαιότητες σε έναν άντρα είναι 3,95€ το λεπτό. Kiedy mężczyzna mówi do kobiety świństewka to jest to molestowanie seksualne. Kiedy kobieta mówi świństewka do mężczyzny, to kosztuje to 4,20zl/min. + VAT! Ако мажот и кажува на жената прљави cekcи работи, тоа е сексуално вознемирување, А ако жената кажува такви работи, тогаш тоа е 120 денари минута + ДДВ . Why is it when a man talks nasty to a women it's sеxuаl harassment.But when a women talks nasty to a man it's $3.99 a minute. 27 0 0