Women - Page 71

After I have sеx, I like my woman like my mailbox. Outside my house!

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A woman with a clipboard just knocked at our door.
She asked me if we would have an Ethiopian child for Christmas.
We normally have a turkey but, fuск it, I’ll try anything once.

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Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes Masturbation jokes

A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen.
One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said.
‘And I know what we are going to name it, too.
If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes

This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”
The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The male worm towards the female worm:
Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A woman is like a suitcase: both hard to carry and a pity to throw away.

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Jokes about Women Love Jokes

The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really mean when you say something...

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Jokes about Women Communication Jokes

A woman is chatting with her friends when she points at a man in the street, ‘That’s my nextdoor neighbour. He’s an alcoholic!’
One of her friends asks, ‘How do you know that?’
The woman replies, ‘Yesterday he was at the bar drinking next to me all night.'

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

One night a man was getting very drunк in a pub.
He staggered back to take a рiss, whipping his рriск out as he went in the door.
However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed.
The drunк waved his diск at her and said "So is this!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.

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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes History Jokes

Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes

Knock knockrn
Who's there?
Woman who?
Wo-man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Man.
Man who?
Man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Knock-knock jokes

This police officer stops this woman on the highway and walks up to her and asks her if she know why he stopped her. …
…
“No.”, the woman replies. …
…
“Because you don’t have any tail lights”, the police officer told her. So she get out and walks around to the back of the car and starts crying. …
…
“It’s just tail lights you don’t need to cry.” …
…
“It’s not that, …. uhhh, where is my trailer”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Love Jokes

After 30 years of marriage Jane as all women do started nagging to John her husband that he does not love her anymore and told him John why don't you go to get some advice from our friend the Bishop so you will love me more. Well John thought if I go to the Bishop I will drink some of his good wine and went.
When he came back he saw his wife at door, then he went up to her and lifted her and carried her from one room to other. She was really pleased with this gesture and asked What did Bishop tell you.
Well he told me go and carry your Cross and wonder who is my cross?

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Wine jokes

Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman’s boots…

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Jokes about Women Masturbation jokes

As I was waiting in the Doctor's office the day after Christmas I accidentally overheard a conversation between the desk employee and another patient on the phone.
Employee:
"Ma'am the Doctor's office will be closed for the next few days due to the snow storm headed into town. Would you please choose a date to reschedule? Would sometime next week be fine?
I could hear the patient on the phone getting upset and not wanting to change her appointment.
Trying to be as polite as he could, the employee began again:
"But ma'am when you show up this week for your appointment no one will be here because of the snow storm."
I then heard yelling from the woman on the line before she abruptly hung up. The employee shook his head in disbelief. Trying to make his day a little better I said,
"You would think after Christmas people would have a better attitude."
Employee:
"She's more Halloween than Christmas!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Christmas Jokes Halloween Jokes

A woman is approaching a very small Bistro.
She calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer.
Then she bends over the desk and starts to carress his beard.
"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
"Ehhh. No.
Not at all!" the barkeeper replies.
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
"Oh, I'm very sorry.
But no.
Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation.
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
"Of course.
What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans.
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently suскs on.
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
"Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel on the lady's toilet!"

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Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Boss Jokes

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied.
"And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said,
"Yes, I remember. So?"
"I would have gotten out today."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes