Office and Work Jokes

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Жена към съпруга си: Жена ми ме упреква: Los vecinos siguen enamorados За завтраком жена сердито пеняет своему мужу: Съпруга следи новите си съседи: Жена казва на мъжа си: Die Ehefrau zu ihrem Ehemann" - Oi, amor... À noite, enquanto o marido lia o jornal, a esposa comentou: Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," James says, "why I... Fru Olsson till sin äkta hälft: - Herr Bergqvist här intill brukar ge sin fru en kyss på kinden varje dag innan han går till jobbet. Varför kan inte du göra detsamma? - är du inte klok? Jag... Frun menande till mannen när hon ger honom portföljen i dörren: - Herr Göransson ger alltid sin fru en kyss innan han går till jobbet på morgonen. Varför gör inte du det? - är du inte klok? Jag... A farmer and his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?" "Yes Ma, I reckon I do,"... Een vrouw klaagt gepikeerd tegen haar man: "Elke ochtend als de buurman naar zijn werk vertrekt kust hij hartstochtelijk zijn vrouw. Waarom doe jij dat nooit?" Waarop de man antwoord: "Waarom!?… Ik... Жінка каже чоловікові: — Поглянь, яке чудове подружжя наші нові сусіди: він її весь час обіймає, цілує, каже їй ласкаві слова. А чому ж ти цього не робиш? — А я тут причому? Я її навіть не знаю. La esposa, echando de menos el cariño del noviazgo, le dice al esposo: Pepe, te has fijado que el vecino besa todos los días a su mujer cuando se va a al trabajo ¿ Por qué no haces tú lo mismo? ¿De... Egy asszony panaszosan mondja a férjének: - Észrevetted már, hogy amikor a szomszédunk hazaér a munkából, mindig átöleli és csókkal üdvözli a feleségét? Te miért nem csinálod ezt? - Nem ismerem még... Una señora le dice al esposo: Los nuevos vecinos son tan amorosos, él la besa, la acaricia, le hace arrumacos, ¿Por qué tú no haces lo mismo? Le responde el esposo: ¡ Pues, porque yo casi no... Una pareja subiendo a un auto: - Mi amor, ¿viste lo tierno y cariñoso que es el nuevo vecino con su esposa?¿Viste como la besa y acaricia? Y sigue: - ¿Por qué tú no haces lo mismo? - ¡Ay mija,...
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A sign in a Shoe Repair Store:
- We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.

At an Optometrist's Office:
- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
- We repair what your husband fixed.
- Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
- Let us remove your shorts.

At a Car Dealership:
- The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
- No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay...

At the Electric Company:
- We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
- Drive carefully. We'll wait.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
- Best place in town to take a leak.

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
- Caution... this truck is full of Political Promises.
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Niggеr walks into the doctors with a frog on his head… The doctor asks:
- “And what’s the problem here?”
To which the frog replies:
“It started a couple of weeks ago with a blackhead on my аrsе!”
I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently “young blacks” and “Romanian gypsies” were not the correct  answers.
I was on my computer earlier when the screen suddenly went black. I suppose I should elaborate. When I say “went black” I mean it stopped working. It didn’t go and stab an old lady and nick her purse.
A black man tried to steal my car as I was driving. I was going pretty fast, but the cheeky сunт managed to get in through the windscreen.
Black lives matter only when killed by a white. Those killed by other blacks don’t seem to matter as much.
*Black couple having Sеx*
Black Guy: Who’s Your Daddy!?! Who’s YOUR DADDY!?!?!
Black Girl: I don’t know.
Black Guy: Same here
I have concluded that zebras are black with white stripes.
Why?
When was the last time you saw a zebra with a job?
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the  bank. When  I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any  change?” I said “No, you’re still black”.
I always buy computers that are black. Generally, they run faster and have a вiggеr hard drive.
Christmas time. Vаliuм and wine. Children indulging in serious сriме. With dad on the wееd and mum high on сrаск. Christmas is magic when your family is black!
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There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they acquired was to manufacture 750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.
Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin. On the day of the Boy Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their way. Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing
the wrong way, so when one was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.
Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this experience came the familiar adage, "He who has a Tate's is lost." (Say it out loud).
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