An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. As he turned to look, he saw a seven-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to кill him. At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!"
Just then, time stopped. The bear froze; the forest was sil! ! ent; the river even stopped moving. A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all of these years; teach others I dont exist; even credit my creation to a cosmic accident, and now do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist, ever so proud, looked into the light and said, "It would be rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
As the light went out, the river ran, and the sounds of the forest continued, the bear put his paw down. The bear then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said:
"Lord, I thank you for this food, which I am about to receive."
Πεθαίνει ο μεγαλύτερος τσιγκούνης του κόσμου και στέκεται στην πύλη του παραδείσου περιμένοντας να δει τον Θεό.
Μόλις φτάνει ο Θεός μαζί με τον Αγιο Πέτρο και λέει ο τσιγκούνης:
- Πανάγαθε, θέλω μια θέση στον παράδεισο.
- Μμμ, μάλιστα, λέει ο Θεός. Και τί καλές πράξεις έχεις κάνει;
- Έδωσα μια δεκάρα σε μία φτωχή χήρα.
- Πέτρο, αληθεύει αυτό;
- Μάλιστα, πανάγαθε.
- Καλώς. Αλλο καλό που έκανες;
- Έδωσα μία δεκάρα σε ένα ορφανό.
- Πέτρο, αληθεύει αυτό;
- Μάλιστα, πανάγαθε.
- Καλώς. Αλλο καλό που έκανες;
- Έδωσα μία δεκάρα σε ένα ζητιάνο.
- Πέτρο, αληθεύει αυτό;
- Μάλιστα, πανάγαθε.
- Ε, δως του 3 δεκάρες, και διώξτον!