Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Yo mommas so sтuрid when she licked a dog she said meow.

18 0

Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says,
" Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"

18 0

Animal Jokes

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

18 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.

18 0

Food Jokes Animal Jokes

How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.

18 0

Animal Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.

18 0

Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street?
Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.

18 0

Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dog jokes

What is a buttress?
A female goat.

18 0

Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

When is a lion not a lion?
When he turns into his cage.

18 0

Animal Jokes

One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!

18 0

Animal Jokes

What do you call a соw who argues with her husband?
A bullfighter.

18 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They re both brown, except the snowball.

18 0

Animal Jokes

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

18 0

Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Q. What did the frog say to the fly?
A. You are really starting to bug me!

18 0

Animal Jokes

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

17 0

Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run 'round and 'round till you're all pooped out!

17 0

Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly.
The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him.
Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is.... fluctuation."
The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's suскs! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging a**hole you are!"

17 0

Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Student jokes

Q: What do you call a соw with two legs?
A: Lean beef.

17 0

Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Boycott Jokes

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: "I'm bakin'."

17 0

Animal Jokes

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

17 0

Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Elephant jokes