Bible Jokes

What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.

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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."

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Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Bible Jokes

Yo mamma so old she pre-order the bible.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Bible Jokes

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”

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Bible Jokes Old People Jokes

A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it.
After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help.
She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.

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Bible Jokes Customer service jokes Christian Jokes Stupid Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy."
Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman."
Coincidence?

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Religion jokes Jokes about Women Bible Jokes Communication Jokes

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

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Church jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Bible Jokes Parrot jokes

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class:
"Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"
Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"
The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."
Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...
After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the dамnеd wall!"

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Religion jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Bible Jokes Boss Jokes

A newlywed couple lay in bed one morning husband says: "How about you go brew us some coffee?"
Wife: "That's your job."
Hasband: "Says who?"
Wife : "The bible, it's on just about every page."
Husband: "The bible don't say anything about brewing coffee."
Wife (Holding her Bible flipping pages): "See every page Hebrews, Hebrews, hebrews."

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Bible Jokes Coffee Jokes

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson. He brought the house down.

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Bible Jokes Christian Jokes

Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda?
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.

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Car and driving jokes Bible Jokes Catholic Jokes

Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

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Religion jokes Sports Jokes Bible Jokes Catholic Jokes

A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
'The flight to Egypt,' he replied.
'I see...
And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' she said.
'But who's the fourth person?'
'Oh, that's Pontius – the Pilot!'

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Aviation Jokes School Jokes Bible Jokes Catholic Jokes Pilot Jokes

The Bible says I'll pay for my sins.
I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.

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Drug Jokes Money jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bible Jokes

A man and wife were having argument about who should make the рот of tea in the morning.
The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first.
The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job.
The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it.
The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.
She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".

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Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

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Q: Which Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

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Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Sally was sleeping in front of Johnny.
The teacher asked Sally who our Lord and savior was.
Little Johnny poked her in the вuтт with a pin and she screamed "Jesus Сhrisт!"
And fell back to sleep.
A little while later the teacher asked Sally who created our world.
Johnny poked her in the вuтт again and Sally screamed "oh my god!"
And fell back to sleep.
Later the teacher asked Sally what Eve said to Adam after they had their fifth child.
Johnny poked her in the вuтт and Sally screamed "if you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"

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Religion jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Bible Jokes

Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day.
They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it.
He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"

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Bible Jokes Men jokes

Q: What was the world's first palindrome?
A: Madam, I'm Adam.

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Bible Jokes Communication Jokes History Jokes