Blonde Jokes - Page 68

BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sеxuаl relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed."And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a сliмаx?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."

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Blonde Jokes Lawyer Jokes Military Jokes

How do you keep a blonde occupied for a few hours?
Tell her to count the stairs on the escalator.

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Blonde Jokes

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day:
The daughter said to her mother. "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied. "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said. "My hands are freezing cold."
The girl replied. "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said. "My nose is cold."
The girl replied. "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said. "My реnis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother. "Have you ever heard of a реnis?"
Slightly concerned the mother said. "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies. They make one hеll of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

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Dirty jokes Blonde Jokes

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nudе, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these вrеаsтs; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my аss is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because pets can't bring вееr from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Because the blondes couldn't either.

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Blonde Jokes God Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What is black and blue and brown, and lies in a ditch?
A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

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Blonde Jokes

Q: What did the blonde do when she learned that 90% of all crimes occur around the home?
A: She moved.

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Blonde Jokes

Yo' Mama is like a railroad track: she gets laid all over the country.

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Yo Momma Jokes Blonde Jokes

Yo' Mama is like a door кnов: everybody gets a turn.

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Yo Momma Jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes One-Liner Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo' mama so sтuрid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

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Yo Momma Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

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Yo Momma Jokes Blonde Jokes USA Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she studied for her blood test.

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Yo Momma Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Insult Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Student jokes Stupid Jokes

A blonde goes to work in tears.
Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Blonde Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Lawyer Jokes Black People Jokes

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
She replied, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."
And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche; it's a Ferrari."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester check up.
The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top! The second affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on bottom. The blonde grabbed her head between her hands.
"Oh, сrар! Puppies."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde quit her restroom attendant job?
A: She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What did the blonde fill in for "Salary Expected" on a job application?
A: Yes.

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes