Jokes about Cheating

Three guys all think that their wives are cheating on them.
The first guy thinks his wife is sсrеwing a plumber because he found a тооl belt under his bed.
The second guy thinks his wife is sсrеwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed.
The third guy says, "That's nothing! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed. I can't believe my wife is sсrеwing a horse."

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One man's marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage.
"Well," his friend says, "you can always have an affair."
"I can't do that! I will always be faithful to her." the troubled man replies.
"If you convince her to let you do it, and then it won't be cheating."
The man agrees to give it a try. The next time his wife seems to be in a very good mood he shares the idea with her that a new partner would add excitement.
"Honey," his wife says, "that won't help our marriage.
Believe me, I already tried it."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes

When two men have sеx what position are they going to be in?
But what about when two dogs have sеx?
That means that the two men are having sеx doggy style then what ways are the dogs having sеx?
That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have sеx doggy style.

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Sex Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Cheating Jokes Dog jokes

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.
This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Cheating Jokes American Presidents Humor

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn''t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the dаrn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't кill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am."
The next man came up and started his story. "St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought ''Please God spare my life'' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I''m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me."
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. "Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding вuтт nакеd in this married chick''s refrigerator....."

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Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.

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Relationship Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Cheating Jokes

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding….
She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Cheating Jokes

What is the definition of adultery ?
The wrong woman in the right place.

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Jokes about Women Cheating Jokes

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

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Incest jokes Cheating Jokes

Actual conversation recorded on channel 106 of the maritime emergency frequency off the Galatian coast of Spain between Spaniards and Americans the 16th of October, 1997.
Spaniard: (background noise) This is A-853, please alter your heading 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision. You are headed straight for us, at a distance of 25 nautical miles.

American: (background noise) We suggest you alter your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision.

Spanish: Negative. Repeat, please turn 15 degrees south to avoid collision.

Americans: (another voice) This is the captain of a ship of the United States of America speaking. We request that you turn 15 degrees north to avoid collision.

Spanish: We do not consider that doable, nor convenient. Please turn 15 degrees to the south to avoid colliding with us.

Americans: (heated tone) THIS IS CAPTAIN RICHARD JAMES HOWARD SPEAKING, IN COMMAND OF THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY, THE SECOND LARGEST WARSHIP IN THE AMERICAN FLEET.

WE ARE ESCORTED BY 2 GUNBOATS, 6 DESTROYERS, 5 BATTLESHIPS, 4 SUBMARINES, AND A NUMBER OF OTHER SUPPORT VESSELS.

I DO NOT "SUGGEST", I "ORDER" YOU TO CHANGE YOUR HEADING 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, WE TAKE ALL NECESSARY MEASURES TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS VESSEL.

PLEASE OBEY IMMEDIATELY AND REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM OUR COURSE!!!

Spanish: This is Juan Manuel Salas Alcantara speaking. We are two people. We are escorted by our dog, food, 2 beers, and a canary that's asleep at the moment. We have the support of the radio station "Cadena Dial de La Coru" and channel 106 of the emergency maritime frequency.

We aren't going to turn anywhere, seeing as we're speaking from land. We're in the lighthouse A-853 of Finisterra on the Galatian coast. We don't have the foggiest clue about where we rank in Spanish affairs. You can take whatever measures you please and do whatever the fuск you want to guarantee the safety of your piece of shiт vessel, that's going to crash into the rocks!

So we insist, once again, and we recommend you do the most sensible thing and change your heading 15 degrees south to avoid collision.

Americans: Roger, thanks.

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American Jokes Beer Jokes Military Jokes Cheating Jokes Sailor Jokes

Why isn't John at work today? He is in hospital But i saw him dancing with a chick last night His wife saw him too

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Cheating Jokes

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you.
I've been having an affair with my secretary.
I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

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Golf jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Secretary Jokes Cheating Jokes

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies,
"My boss and I played the lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lottery and we won again, so I bought It with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari....... You guessed it:
Her share of the lottery winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while She gets undressed.
When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What the fuск is this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies,
"We don't want to get your lottery ticket wet, do we??"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wife jokes Cheating Jokes Boss Jokes

My wife says she enjoys sеx more whilst on holiday.
Well I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive.

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Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

When your boyfriend is accusing you of cheating and you're standing there thinking he's starting to sound just like your husband

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Cheating Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Foto para el marido / Foto para el amante

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Cheating Jokes

Behind every woman there is a man who makes her smile

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Cheating Jokes

80s Воотy Call... Affair:
Let's have an Iran-Contra affair.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Cheating Jokes

Top 10 Benefits From a White House Internship:

10. First-hand knowledge of domestic affairs
9. Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great
8. Gives new meaning to MTV slogan ``Rock the Vote''
7. Observe the President's commitment to young people first hand
6. Learn intricacies of statutory rаре law
5. Have president chase around desk brandishing his `subpoena'
4. President tells you he really wants you on his staff
3. Try out JFK's legendary rocking chair
2. Have president introduce you to his `special investigator'
1. Find out what a politician means when he says he's been polling his constituents

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Bill Clinton Jokes Cheating Jokes

Yesterday, President Clinton was interviewed by Jim Lehrer on his Alleged affair with a whitehouse intern and subsequent alleged subornation of her perjury. Clinton said,
"I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work."
Well put.

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Bill Clinton Jokes Cheating Jokes American Presidents Humor