Communication Jokes

Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a вrа."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"

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There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too sтuрid to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Weather jokes

A priest asks Johnny if he's scared of Sатаn.
Little Johnny says "I have nothing to be scared of you are the one that must be scared; you talk сrар about him every Sunday..."

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Priest Jokes Religion jokes Little Johnny Jokes Communication Jokes Priest Jokes

The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Stephen, with a P-H," I said.
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: "Pheven?"

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Hairdresser Jokes

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.

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Dark Humor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two аssеs, they come together again. I come again and рее twice. Then I come once-a-more.'' ''You foul-mouthed swinе,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sеx lives in public.'' ''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

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News and Politics Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, suскing in his stomach.
"Ha! That's not going to help," she said.
"Sure, it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

SuperBowl!
What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys

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Sports Jokes Money jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Soccer Jokes Communication Jokes

A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position.
His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?"
"Not even a little," said the young man.
"How about alcoholic beverages?"
"Never touch 'em," he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?"
He said, "A bus passed over his finger!"
I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause."
My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"

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Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rестаl thermometer in her pocket?
A: "Some аsshоlе has my pen!"

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Nurse jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man was talking to his wife about going to the social security office.
He said he would go the next day.
So the next morning he goes but when he gets there he realized he forgot his license and she said that was fine she could tell his age by the hair on his chest. So he opened his shirt and everything went smoothly.
He got home and told his wife what happened and she said: "well honey if you would have pulled down your pants you could have filed for disability."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes

Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.

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Food Jokes Communication Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Q: What do you call a man with no body, and only a nose?
A: Nobody knows.

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Communication Jokes

I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you."
I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She said, "It's me talking to the wine.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wine jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!"
Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Vulgar jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."

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Sports Jokes Friendship Jokes Golf jokes Communication Jokes American Presidents Humor

A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.
"Sure," I said, "as long as you provide your own kennel."
I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed: "I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!"

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes