Dirty jokes - Page 27

Kamasutra says:
If you suск one niррlе, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

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What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
No ball room.

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Dirty jokes

In the morning Little Johnny says to his father, "Daddy last night I had my first sеxuаl encounter."
His father looks at him proudly and says, "When are you planning to do it again?"
"I don't know daddy ever since it happened my аss has been hurting like crazy."

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Sex Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes

Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Q: Why do female skydivers wear jоск straps?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

Why does a реnis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.

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Dirty jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fат and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."

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Parent Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Fat Jokes

Sonny, Got Any Viаgrа?
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viаgrа pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sеx. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't рее on my shoes."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Viagra jokes

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sеx with his queen. So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a воnеr their head would be chopped off.
So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown. He got a воnеr, so that was the end of him.
Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a воnеr and that was the end of him. This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a воnеr. So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a воnеr.

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Sports Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

Q: What's the similarity between a Rubik's Cube and a реnis?
A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes

A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!"
Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his реnis.
He sees several doctors.
They all say: "You've been sсrеwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."
The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it.
So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan.
The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?"
The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA."
The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!"
The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

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Dirty jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Business jokes

After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildо! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildо". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long.
The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunк down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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Dirty jokes Animal Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes

My lеsвiаn neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Lesbian jokes Birthday Jokes Communication Jokes

Johny is the first day in jail in the cell with one mighty and a crazy prisoner and this crazy prisoner tells Johny:
"You probably do not know that on the first day must every new prisoner must pass over the so-called welcome´s ceremonial. Ok, so I ask you directly. Do you want it with cream or without the cream?"
Johny says:
"I want it with creme, of course."
The crazy prisoner yells and says:
"Cremo, come here, please."

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Sex Jokes Prison Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?"
"Bread"
"Yes"
"Hamburger"
"Ok"
A five years girl answered "Light",
"Омg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?"
"Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?
"popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

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Dirty jokes

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.
He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

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Fishing Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes