Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

Woman to doctor: ‘Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an оrgаsм.’
Doctor: ‘And what are you taking for it?’ Woman: ‘Pepper.’

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A Grandmother was checking out her grand-daughters grasp of colours and tested her regularly.
She would ask her and the grand-daughter would always get the colour right.
One day as we were heading to the doctors she turned to her Grandma and said "Don’t you think it’s time you tried to figure some of these out for yourself?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Grandparent Jokes

Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A: A baseball bat.

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Dentist Jokes Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups.
The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.
Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack.
He asked his wife if she wanted anything.
“Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?” she asked.
“Sure,” he replied.
“Do you think you should write that down to remember it?” she asked.
“No, I can remember that,” he said.
“I’d like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?” she said.
“No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries,” he said, becoming a little irritated.
“I’d like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down,” she said.
“For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don’t need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream,” he said, now more than a little irritated.
Off he went to the kitchen.
About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs.
The wife stared at it for a moment and said, “Where’s my toast?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine."
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked: "Did it really help you?"
Patient: "It helped me wonderfully."
Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?"
Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

An alcoholic, a smoker and a gаy went to a doctor.
The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die.
As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar.
He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunк."
And he entered the bar, drank and died.
At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street.
The gаy walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!"
"Why? I want to smoke so much."
"If you bend... we both are dead!"

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: How did the first man die from using Viаgrа?
A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.

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Viagra jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Fitness jokes

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him. 7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing. 4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools. 3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!" 1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor:
"Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man:
"Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

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Dark Humor Jokes News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a dog!
Sit!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle.
I see your point!
Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad?
Well, I ouldn't start watching any new soap operas!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if they don't work then give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing.
I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!
Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show?
Absolutely nothing!
Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it?
Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!

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Halloween Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

People say that time heals all wounds.
They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sеx drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sеx drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." she said. The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said,
"I'm may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help."
"The second hole??? When in the hеll is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A Lawyer was addressing a doctor in court.
Lawyer: Dr. Kirby, did you say the victim was stabbed in the jungle?
Doctor Kirby: No, I said he was stabbed in the lumbar region.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman tells her doctor, "My husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor asks her, "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?"
She replies, "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes