Medical and Doctor Jokes

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Male & Female Brains Η μεταμόσχευση εγκεφάλου Ein Mensch möchte sich ein neues Gehirn einsetzen lassen. Un patient gravement malade est à l'hôpital. La famille est réunie dans la salle d'attente. Un médecin entre et dit : - Désolé, je vous apporte de mauvaises nouvelles. L'unique chance de survie est une greffe de cerveau. C'est une opération expérimentale, très risquée et dont les frais seront... Det var en gång en svensk, en rysk och en norrman som skulle byta hjärnor. Ryssen sa: - Jag vill ha en norsk hjärna! Då sa svensken: - Varför det? Ryssen: - För att den är helt oanvänd! Då det var dags att byta hjärnor sade svensken: - Jag vill ha en norsk hjärna. Punkt slut. - Varför detta? - För den är oanvänd. Depois de passar por vários exames, o paciente recebe o diagnóstico da junta médica que o assistia: — O senhor precisa fazer um transplante de cérebro! — Transplante de cérebro? — Sim e já... Det var en gång en svensk som skulle byta hjärna. Då sa doktorn: - Vad vill du ha för hjärna? - Gärna en norsk hjärna. - Varför i all sin dar vill du ha en norsk hjärna? - För den är oanvänd.
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Влиза жена при доктора, цялата в кръв и синини. Како жената се спасила од ќотекот на пијаниот сопруг? Frau geschlagen Kommt eine Frau mit geschwollenem Gesicht zum Arzt und sagt: A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The doctor asks, "So what seems to be the problem?" A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass... a woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough. the doc says, "what happened?" the woman replies, "everytime my husband goes out and gets drunk on beer he beats me when he... Een bont en blauw geslagen vrouw komt bij de dokter. De dokter vraagt onmiddellijk wat er gebeurt is. De vrouw zegt “Elke keer als mijn man dronken thuis komt, slaat hij mij bont en blauw..” De... Yüzü gözü mosmor bir kadın doktora gider. Doktor: - Hanımefendi ne oldu size? Kadın: - Doktor bey, ne yapacağımı bilemiyorum. Kocam ne zaman içip de eve sarhoş dönse beni bayıltana kadar dövüyor.... Une femme entre chez son médecin, le visage tout enflé et des bleus partout... Le médecin : - Que vous est-il arrivé ? La femme : - Docteur, chaque fois que mon mari arrive à la maison après avoir...
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Η δεύτερη γνώμη! Психиатъра ми ми каза, че съм луда. Жена отива на лекар и той й казва: Doctor: You're obese. Un señor va al médico porque se encuentra muy mal. Tras una exploración, el doctor le comenta: Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical. After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly... Vous avez un cancer du foie et c'est incurable. - Docteur, comme vous y allez, j'aimerais avoir un deuxième avis. - En plus, vous êtes moche. Depois de avaliar os exames de seu paciente o médico lhe dá uma notícia nada boa: — Lamento informar mas o senhor tem poucos meses de vida! — Não! não! Eu quero uma segunda opinião! — Então tá:... Arzt: "Sie sind stark übergewichtig." Patient: "Uff. Da hätte ich gern eine zweite Meinung." Arzt: „Hässlich sind Sie auch.“ - Κύριε μου, είστε υπερτασικός. - Γιατρέ μου μπορώ να έχω και μια δεύτερη γνώμη ? - Βεβαίως! Είστε και άσχημος. El médico le dice a su paciente: Señor, lamento decirle que usted tiene un cáncer terminal. El paciente indignado le responde: No puede ser, exijo una segunda opinión. El médico amablemente le... Er komt een man bij de dokter. Hij voelt zich zo rottig. De dokter onderzoekt hem en komt tot de conclusie dat de man geen drie weken meer heeft te leven. De man is eerst nogal beduusd, maar zegt... A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils have to come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too. Un tip se duce la doctor să afle ce e în neregulă cu el. - Problema dumneavoastră este că sunteţi gras, îi spuse doctorul. - Aş vrea şi o a doua opinie, spuse tipul. - Bine, sunteţi şi urât, îi... My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.” I went to see my doctor, and he told me I was overweight. I said, "I want a second opinion." He said, "Alright. You're ugly." - Rodney Dangerfield
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