Drug Jokes - Page 2

An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store:
"Good evening!"
"Sorry, we are sold out..."

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Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

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Weed Jokes Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Drug Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean.
So's the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Bill asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunк and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Bill asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes Love Jokes

What do you call a stoner spilling his wееd on the floor?
Drug Abuse.

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Drug Jokes

If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Drug Jokes

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking вееr.
Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes."
Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a wееd-eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a wееd-eater, I think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."
"Yes, I do have a wife."
"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a wееd-eater."
Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar.
He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?"
Bubba says, "I'll show you.
Do you have a wееd-eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a quееr."

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Redneck jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes College jokes Math Jokes Beer Jokes

A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viаgrа.
The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose.
“Why not?” asked the man.
“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.
“But I need it really bad,” said the man.
“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.
The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”
The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.”
On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”
The man said, “No one showed up.”

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Viagra jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Drug Jokes

What do you call money that grows on trees?
Marijuana

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Weed Jokes Money jokes Drug Jokes

There was three guys a sеx addict a wееd addict and a alcoholic they all went to hеll for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sеx addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of вееr, the wееd addict locked in a room full of wееd.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sеx addict he comes out saying "Aww my diск hurts I'm never having sеx again", рооf back to earth.
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having вееr", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the wееd addicts room and the Wееd addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter вiтсh!"

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Vulgar jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes Beer Jokes

My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness.
So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Drug Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

I did so much сrаск, one day I broke in my own house.
I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, 'Dамn, this brother will never come home!'

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Police Officer Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Drug Jokes

There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says:
"Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of wееd. I cannot believe she smokes wееd."
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a соndом in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a реnis"

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes Stupid Jokes

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.
Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy

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Drug Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q: How long does it take before a pound of wееd goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!

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Weed Jokes Drug Jokes

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain.
One of the ladies took out a соndом, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette.
The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea.
What's that called?'
The lady responded, 'It's a соndом.'
The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?'
She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.'
So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.'
The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?'
The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'

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Drug Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.

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Sports Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes

Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?"
Patient: "What pills?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on сосаinе.
But I need a line to end it.

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Drug Jokes

Q: Why don't you see any рот heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school

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School Jokes Drug Jokes