Food Jokes - Page 28

Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!

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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Fart Jokes

Cannibal Son:
Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there. It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.

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Nationality Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."

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Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies:
"My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl:
"Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question:
"If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Dating Jokes Philosophy Jokes

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

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One-Liner Jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Computer Jokes Social Network Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes

"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."

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Single People Jokes Gross Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Little Johnny was always late for school.
When asked why he said he had to eat his popsicle.
Without thinking the teacher told him to eat half his popsicle and save the other half in his pocket.
Next day Johnny was on time.
The teacher had history class.
"What are the people in Asia called", she asked a student.
"Asians", said the student.
"What are the people in Africa called".
"Africans" said the student.
Then she asked Johnny, "What are the people in Europe called", but Johnny didn't know so the girl behind him whispered, "Euro pean."
To that Johnny said, "No I'm not, that's just my popsicle."

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Food Jokes Asian jokes Africa Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"

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Christmas Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house.
They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says,
"Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."

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Food Jokes Blonde Jokes

What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Customer:
"Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter:
"Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"

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Food Jokes

Yo momma’s so sтuрid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.

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Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes Weather jokes

Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes