Jokes about Bosses

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies,
"My boss and I played the lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lottery and we won again, so I bought It with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari....... You guessed it:
Her share of the lottery winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while She gets undressed.
When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What the fuск is this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies,
"We don't want to get your lottery ticket wet, do we??"

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A boss said to his secretary,
"I want to have sеx with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said,
"Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself."
She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks,
"So what happened?"
She responds,
"The ваsтаrd used coins, so I'm still picking it up and he is still having sеx with me!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Management Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest вееr in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1."
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.
"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage.
"I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second".
"I will never use this bar again".
"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

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Hotel Jokes Beer Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: How did the paladin start losing weight?
A: He was eating light
Q: How does a druid cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it
Q: Why didn't the undead cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts
Q: How many Blizzard developers does it take to get an expansion right?
A: Nobody knows because it hasn't been done yet.
Q: How do you stop a Warrior from charging?
A: You take away his credit card!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A Pandaren after a bloodbath.
Q: What do you call three resto druids?
A: A treesome
Q: Why wasn't deathwing invited to any parties?
A: He was dragon everyone down.
Q: How many rogues does it take to кill a paladin?
A: Two. One to start the fight, the other to wait at the inn
Q: How come people get lost in Thunder Bluff?
A: Because the layout makes a real mesa things.
Q: What do you call a resto druid in the Brawlers Guild?
A: A combat log!
Q: Where does Ragnaros go for his back treatments?
A: The pyro-practor
Q: What do you call it when you lend money to a Taunka?
A: A buffaloane
Q: How many Blizz Devs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, ""the lightbulb is working as intended.""
Q: Why did the raid wipe on Terrace?
A: Because they took tsulong to кill the boss.
Q: What do you call a tauren rogue?
A: Invisibull!
Q: What do you call a Draenei in major lore?
A: Non-existent!
Q: What is the sound a GM makes when answering a ticket?
A: I don't know, but I will tell in 37 days when I get a response.

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Military Jokes Banker Jokes World of Warcraft jokes Boss Jokes

My boss said my math skills are average.
That's just mean.

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Math Jokes Boss Jokes

- I'm in a rush today. I'm meeting with my manager to discuss my annual pay rise. - Me too.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Boss Jokes

This guy was such a G for telling his evil wizard cyborg boss that his religion is bullshit during a work meeting.

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Star Wars Jokes Boss Jokes

I can't wait for mu boss to leave for the day, so I can stop pretending to work...

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Middle Manager:
Come meet my middle manager.

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

A hunter saves an Indian chief being chased by a grizzly bear in the woods. The chief invites the hunter back to his camp to celebrate and reward the hunter for saving his life.
At the celebration, the Indian chief says to the hunter, "I have a special surprise for you: 500 of my prettiest Indian maidens. You look at all of them and choose one. She will be your wife."
The chief clapped his hands and 500 young, beautiful Indian maidens appeared, торlеss, before them. With closer inspection, the hunter notices that none of them have niррlеs on their вrеаsтs.
"Why don't these maidens have niррlеs on their вrеаsтs?" he asks the chief.
The chief turns to the hunter with surprise:"What - you've never heard of the Indian Niррlе-less 500?"

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Sports Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Boss Jokes

A lady bought a new Lexus. It cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!" She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused.
She looked at the radio and said "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road again." She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
Suddenly, at a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and narrowly missed a terrible collision. "Аsshоlе", she muttered. And, from the radio...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States...."

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George W. Bush Jokes Boss Jokes

B&Q JOB APPLICATION
After landing my new job as a B & Q “Greeter a good find for many retirees. I lasted less than a day . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting ваве walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to B & Q."
I then said. "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say. "No, they ain't effin twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hеll would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just effin sтuрid?"
I replied. "I'm neither blind nor sтuрid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B & Q."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
***Old People Rock!***

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Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Boss Jokes

Five cannibals from Papua New Guinea are listed in one company as Programmer hired.
When greeting the cannibals, the boss says to them:
′′ You can now work here, earn good money and go to the Going to eat in our canteen. So leave the other staff in peace."
The cannibals vowed high and holy no colleagues to harassing. After four weeks the boss comes back to them and says: ′′ You work very well. However, we are missing a cleaning lady, Do you know what happened to this one?"
The cannibals all answer ′′ no ′′ and swear with the thing to have nothing to do. When the boss is gone ask the upper cannibal the rest of the squad:
′′ Which one of you ate the cleaning lady?"
In the back, the last one is very small:
′′ It was me..."
Says the upper cannibal:
′′ You idiот, we've been feeding on group leaders for four weeks, Department managers, department managers, project managers and Controllers so nobody will notice and you have to sucker eating the cleaning lady!"

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Programmer Jokes Cannibal Jokes Boss Jokes

White priest goes and lives with an African tribe. He spends his days teaching the way of the lord. After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby.
The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain further.
"Ok chief. See that flock of sheep?"
"Mmm yes"
"See they are all white, but that one black one?"
"Mmm yes"
"Does that help you to understand?"
"Mmm yes. I no say nothing about baby, you no say nothing about sheep"

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Religion jokes Priest Jokes Boss Jokes

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

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Fart Jokes Boss Jokes

Well, I was just thinking about all the possible things that could make the new president comfortable in the White House. Putting graffiti on the walls of the White House that says, "Cheney was here," or changing the president's theme from "Hail to the Chief," to the Jeffersons' show's theme song, "We're moving on up."

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Boycott Jokes Boss Jokes

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.” Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid says “One”.
The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?” The kid says “$165,000”.
The boss says “$165,000? What the heck did you sell?” The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Ford Pinto would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that Chevy 4 wheel drive.” The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?” The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’ ”

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School Jokes Chevy jokes Boss Jokes

One day a little Indian boy went up to his dad who was the chief and asked him how do Indians get there names. His dad looked at him and said "when your brother was born I went out tepee and saw, soaring eagle so I named him Soaring Eagle. When your sister was born I went out tepee and saw raging river so I named her, Raging River." The dad then looked at his son and said, " Do you understand now Shiттing Dog"

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Cowboys and Indians Jokes Boss Jokes

It was October and the Native Americans on a remote reservation...
Asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets.
When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Native Americans are collecting firewood like crazy!"

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Cowboys and Indians Jokes American Jokes Boss Jokes