Jokes about Bosses

Three blondes witness a сriме so they go to the police station to identify the suspect.
The police chief shows them the first mug shot.
"That's not him," the first blonde states.
"This man only has one eye."
The chief is stunned.
"He only has one eye because it's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the second blonde.
"That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers.
He smacks his head.
"It's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the third blonde.
After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses."
"How do you know that?"
"Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"

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I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said:
"Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment."
I said, "I don't get it."
He said, "That's right."

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Management Jokes Money jokes Stupid Jokes Boss Jokes

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen.
While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza.
The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt.
As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger.
The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit.
Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.
"That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Restaurant Jokes Boss Jokes

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

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Office and Work Jokes Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range.
He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away.
The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit.
They shout to him that he missed completely.
The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off.
He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here!
The problem must be at your end!’

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Single People Jokes Boss Jokes

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals.
So he went to every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse.
To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.
"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am." said the man.
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."
"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.
"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

This blonde had a near death experience the other day. She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving. She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground. She started screaming, and was in great pain. Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

The manager who couldn't afford new pens obviously didn't have a Bic budget.

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One-Liner Jokes Boss Jokes

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues.
What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!

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Police Officer Jokes Boss Jokes

Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone.
The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.
The chief walks to the men and says, "What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The first man thinks for a second and replies, "I choose Boogaloo".
The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant "boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo".
The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up.
The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, "You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, "I choose death."
The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, "Death by boogaloo!!!"

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Sailor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased.
"This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop.
"My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop.
"But how do we know which is which?"
They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea.
"Lets cut off this ones tail"
The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail.
The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad.
The two cops see this and ask whats wrong.
"You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!"
"But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart."
"Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"

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Police Officer Jokes Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

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Military Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him.
"I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time."
Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

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Military Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Management Jokes Beauty Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor

A blonde who really needed a job saw an ad in the newspaper for an opening job at an Elmo factory.
She applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she really needed the money. Finally the manager hired her.
After a few hours, the manager noticed that the conveyer belt was backed up. He went downstairs to find out what was wrong. He saw that the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager told her, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles - not two testicles!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

Advice for office managers: Keep the sеxuаl harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her аrsе.

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Sex Jokes Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

One Day Sтuрid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Sтuрid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station.
When they got there the chief asked them their names.
“Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.
“Sтuрid”, replied Sтuрid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him sтuрid.
Which made him very mad.
“Excuse Me!” shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.
“Shut Up!”
“Sтuрid!”
The police chief was very riled.
He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”

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Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Prison Jokes Boss Jokes

A sеxy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over.
She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager.
The Bartender replies, "Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?"
By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the hоrny bartender is gently suскing on them.
She says, "You sure he isn’t here?"
The bartender mumbles through her fingers, "Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?"
The woman then says, "Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!"

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: How is a boss better than a wife?
A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Management Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes

A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes