Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him.
“Daddy, the cat died today!”
“Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.”
“But why are his arms and legs up in the air?”
“Well, darling, that’s just something they do.”
She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later.
When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.
“Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”

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Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Figs
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

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Knock-knock jokes Kids Jokes

My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinаl to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot вiggеr than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

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Dirty jokes Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven

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Dark Humor Jokes Kids Jokes Hitler Jokes

Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes Black People Jokes

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set.
"If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?"
The boy became very quiet.
So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?"
He promptly replied, "Another train."

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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."
"Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Awwww, kids. They вlоw up so fast...
Get it, kids grow up so fast.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything.
We called him 9/12.

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Terrorist jokes Religion jokes Kids Jokes College jokes

Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one ruввish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 ruввish bins.

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Dark Humor Jokes Kids Jokes Morbid jokes

Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan.

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Kids Jokes Japanese Jokes

It was at an amusement park on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 2 kids.
"Who’s enjoying the most?" I asked cheerfully.
"I am" said one.
"I am" said the second.
"No," the father said "their mother is!"

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Parent Jokes Kids Jokes

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it.
She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.”
To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Jokes about Women Kids Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Church jokes Music and Musician Jokes

After watching the grades of his child, the angry father said, "After seeing your grades, I feel like teaching a lesson or two and want to give a tight slap."
The child excitedly says, "Yes dad, lets go, I know the addresses of all my teachers, we must teach them a lesson."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Student jokes Math Jokes

Lester Barrie: Solution to the Gang Problem.
It gives me a solution to this whole inner city gang problem that we seem to be having. I just got to get some people behind me, right? I think we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers, give them all belts and do one big drive-by whupping on these kids.

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Police Officer Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Grandparent Jokes

- Mom! I’m a 3d printer!
- Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you роор.

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One-Liner Jokes Gross Jokes Technology Jokes Kids Jokes

I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors.
I felt like such a bad-аss until I realized it was my car.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Black People Jokes

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sеx. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildо on her.
All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildо.
She said "I knew it, аsshоlе, explain the dildо!"
He said, "Explain the kids!"

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes