Old People Jokes

Your mama so old she sat next to Моsеs in the second grade.

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An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Jewish Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

A lovey dovey couple are sitting on a bench in the park and she says:
“My ear hurts me…” He kisses it gently and asks, “Is it better now, my darling?”
“It’s all gone,” giggles the girl, “but now I have a pain here,” and she points to her neck.
The boy kisses it tenderly and asks, “Better now, sweet pea?”
“It’s all healed, my love! But now I have a very bad pain here,” she replies and points to her clavicle.
“Excuse me,” politely interrupts an old man from a neighboring bench, “this is really impressive! Do you heal hemorrhoids as well?”

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Old People Jokes

A guy comes to work very sick and asks his boss for advice. The boss says:
"You know, if it were me, I'd just go home and let my wife really take care of me in all aspects, if you know what I mean. Now go and do just that, Roger, you look pretty bad."
The guy gratefully leaves and comes back the next day, looking much better.
"So, how was it?" asks the boss, "Everything alright?"
"Yes," replies the guy, "I feel much better, thank you. By the way, you have really nice furniture!"

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Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

Doctor says to his patient: “Your liver results are back. And frankly, they’re very surprising considering that I only allowed you one glass of wine per week.”
The patient shrugs: “Do you really think you are the only doctor I am going to?”

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Old People Jokes

Harlan the biker comes to the hairdresser.
The hairdresser stares at his greasy hair in disbelief for a while and then asks, “So, did you come to cut your hair or just for an oil change?”

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Old People Jokes Hairdresser Jokes Cyclist Humor

Joe asks Peter: "Wow, so many scars. You must have had an adventurous life!"
Peter replies: "No, I have a cat."

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Old People Jokes

American psychologists have isolated two fundamental reasons why men frequent bars.
1) They don’t have a woman.
2) They have a woman.

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Old People Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes American Jokes

Patient: “Doctor, please help me, I think I can see in the future.”
Doctor: “When did it start?”
Patient: “Next Friday.”

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Old People Jokes

A truck driver phones his boss, "Hey boss, my mirror is broken."
The boss says, "Well then Just buy a new one and replace it then."
The truck driver answers, "I can't. The truck is laying on it."

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Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

An American guy, a French guy, and a Scottish guy go for a вееr. All their beers, by some coincidence or other, arrive with a fly in it.
The American pushes the вееr away in disgust.
The French guy fishes out the fly and drinks the вееr.
The Scotsman takes the fly out by the wing and yells at it, “Spit it out, spit it out now ya little hussy!!!”

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Old People Jokes Scottish Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes

Yo momma's so old, when she was young, rainbows were black and white.

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Yo Momma Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo momma's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo momma's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes

The old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says:
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here nакеd as a jaybird, too .'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My niррlеs are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.'

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Old People Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Coffee Jokes

Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sеxuаl encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 вlоw-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her niррlе, she farted and flew out the window."

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Sex Jokes Gross Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes

My Grandma is in her 90's and she still doesn't need glasses. She just drinks straight out of the bottle.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, but death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Whats the good thing about f**king twenty seven year olds?
Theres twenty of them.

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Dirty jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I've led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

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Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Dog jokes