Old People Jokes

How my parents see me when I switch from HDMI 1 to HDMI 2 on the TV

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For my retirement, I'm organizing a go-karting afternoon!

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Old People Jokes

Mr. Smith, your health check-up results are good. I don’t understand, why do you come every week?!

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

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Dirty jokes Old People Jokes

I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind.
Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it.
I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.

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Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida.
At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going.
He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida.
The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for.
The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months.
The customs officer then asks where they were coming from.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from.
The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton.
The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of аss he ever had.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Dating Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Couple jokes

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to рее. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even сrар anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I рее every morning at 6:00. I рее like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I сrар every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You рее every morning at 6:00 and сrар every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"

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Old People Jokes

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said:
“Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.”
“I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Dentist Jokes Gynecology Jokes

My wife's face is green.
The room is now pink.
I think she yelled at me,
"That's your 21st drink!"

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Funny Poems Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his сriме.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

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Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''
''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''

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Old People Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes

3 old friends meet each other unexpectedly in Paris. Since they haven't seen each other in decades, they decide to celebrate by going out. They decide that they would go to the Eiffel Tower.
When they arrived, there was a guard there next to a sign that read "if you can drop your watch from the top of the Eiffel Tower, run all the way down the stairs and catch it on the floor, you will win 10 million dollars.
The men decided to try it.
The first one went up, dropped his watch, sprinted all the way down and looked up, but his watch wasn't there, so he looked down and there was his watch, shattered into pieces of gears and parts.
"Impossible," he said to his friends.
The second Man thought that maybe he was too slow, so he went up, dropped his watch, then practically jumped Down the steps, and looked up, but it wasn't there.
He looked down, and the remains of his watch were right next to his friends' watch. "Impossible," he said to the third man.
But the third man tried anyway.
He went up, dropped his watch, then took his time going down, taking 25 minutes to get down the steps.
When he finally went down, he looked at the local clock and waited 5 minutes, then he looked up and caught his watch.
Everyone was shocked, and as the guard was counting up the money, he asked: "how did you do that?"
The man looked at him and replied: "my watch is 30 minutes late."

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Friendship Jokes Money jokes Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

you moma is so old that she has jesus in her year book

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo mama is so frickin old her вrеаsт milk is powdered.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' mama so old, I slapped her on the back and her тiтs fell off!

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Boob Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' mama so old, her social security number is two!

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Yo Momma Jokes One-Liner Jokes Old People Jokes

There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, "I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table."
The old woman said, "Yes, and we were probably nакеd as jay birds."
The old man said, "Well, what do you say..wanna get nакеd?" So they both stripped.The old woman said, "You know honey, my вrеаsтs are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." The old man replied, "I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."

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Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

When she was like 17 or 18 years old, she won a beauty contest back in Pennsylvania.
She ran like three miles a day; she jogged; she swam six, seven miles a day. She was in really good shape, and she won a beauty contest. She was a good-looking woman. Now, she's 93 years old and really let herself go.

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Looking Good Jokes Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

Your mama so old she sat next to Моsеs in the second grade.

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Old People Jokes Religion jokes School Jokes Yo Momma Jokes