Old People Jokes

How my parents see me when I switch from HDMI 1 to HDMI 2 on the TV

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Yo' mama so old, I slapped her on the back and her тiтs fell off!

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Boob Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' mama so old, her social security number is two!

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Yo Momma Jokes One-Liner Jokes Old People Jokes

There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, "I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table."
The old woman said, "Yes, and we were probably nакеd as jay birds."
The old man said, "Well, what do you say..wanna get nакеd?" So they both stripped.The old woman said, "You know honey, my вrеаsтs are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." The old man replied, "I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."

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Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

When she was like 17 or 18 years old, she won a beauty contest back in Pennsylvania.
She ran like three miles a day; she jogged; she swam six, seven miles a day. She was in really good shape, and she won a beauty contest. She was a good-looking woman. Now, she's 93 years old and really let herself go.

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Looking Good Jokes Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Jewish Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

A lovey dovey couple are sitting on a bench in the park and she says:
“My ear hurts me…” He kisses it gently and asks, “Is it better now, my darling?”
“It’s all gone,” giggles the girl, “but now I have a pain here,” and she points to her neck.
The boy kisses it tenderly and asks, “Better now, sweet pea?”
“It’s all healed, my love! But now I have a very bad pain here,” she replies and points to her clavicle.
“Excuse me,” politely interrupts an old man from a neighboring bench, “this is really impressive! Do you heal hemorrhoids as well?”

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Old People Jokes

A guy comes to work very sick and asks his boss for advice. The boss says:
"You know, if it were me, I'd just go home and let my wife really take care of me in all aspects, if you know what I mean. Now go and do just that, Roger, you look pretty bad."
The guy gratefully leaves and comes back the next day, looking much better.
"So, how was it?" asks the boss, "Everything alright?"
"Yes," replies the guy, "I feel much better, thank you. By the way, you have really nice furniture!"

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Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

Doctor says to his patient: “Your liver results are back. And frankly, they’re very surprising considering that I only allowed you one glass of wine per week.”
The patient shrugs: “Do you really think you are the only doctor I am going to?”

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Old People Jokes

Harlan the biker comes to the hairdresser.
The hairdresser stares at his greasy hair in disbelief for a while and then asks, “So, did you come to cut your hair or just for an oil change?”

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Old People Jokes Hairdresser Jokes Cyclist Humor

Joe asks Peter: "Wow, so many scars. You must have had an adventurous life!"
Peter replies: "No, I have a cat."

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Old People Jokes

American psychologists have isolated two fundamental reasons why men frequent bars.
1) They don’t have a woman.
2) They have a woman.

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Old People Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes American Jokes

Patient: “Doctor, please help me, I think I can see in the future.”
Doctor: “When did it start?”
Patient: “Next Friday.”

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Old People Jokes

A truck driver phones his boss, "Hey boss, my mirror is broken."
The boss says, "Well then Just buy a new one and replace it then."
The truck driver answers, "I can't. The truck is laying on it."

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Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

An American guy, a French guy, and a Scottish guy go for a вееr. All their beers, by some coincidence or other, arrive with a fly in it.
The American pushes the вееr away in disgust.
The French guy fishes out the fly and drinks the вееr.
The Scotsman takes the fly out by the wing and yells at it, “Spit it out, spit it out now ya little hussy!!!”

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Old People Jokes Scottish Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes

Yo momma's so old, when she was young, rainbows were black and white.

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Yo Momma Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo momma's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo momma's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes

The old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says:
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this same breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here nакеd as a jaybird, too .'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My niррlеs are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.'

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Old People Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Coffee Jokes