Sex Jokes - Page 25

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fат?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his diск!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his diск!"

36 0

Dad, what happens if a соndом tear?
Look at yourself...

36 0

Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

What are the small bumps around women’s niррlеs?
It’s Braille for ‘suск here’.

36 0

Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Why do women need guys?
Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.

36 0

Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Sex Jokes

There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days.
Finally one guy says,"Fuск this I really have to рее guys. Lay down covering fire, I'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."
So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.
But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal.
So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench.
So obviously they're pretty confused.
They ask "what the hеll took you so long man?"
The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sеx right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great."
One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?"
He replies "There was no head."

36 0

Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes American Presidents Humor

A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sеx ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."

36 0

Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sеx lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."

36 0

Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Dentist Jokes

Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together

36 0

Dirty jokes Valentine's Day Jokes Sex Jokes

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sеx with his waitress.

36 0

Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: Why do fат, ugly women give the best вlоw jobs?
A: Because they have to!

36 0

Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins.
Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sеx. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. ''OK, honey,'' he says, ''this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom.'' The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees.
So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous еrестiоn. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain.
The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing diск is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, ''Doc, doc, how bad is it?''
''That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob.''

35 0

Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Couple jokes

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''

35 0

Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: He was stuck to the chicken's foot.

35 0

Gross Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the вuм and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the вrеаsт.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the реnis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."

35 0

Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Fitness jokes

What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Walking into a wall with an еrестiоn and hurting his nose.

35 0

Men jokes Sex Jokes

A sеxy girl looks at the big вееr belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?
There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?

35 0

Men jokes Sex Jokes Beer Jokes

Sеx without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.

35 0

Sex Jokes

One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sеx with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry.
She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you.
Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room.
The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son!
How old are you 12? 13?
How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son.
Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My аss is still sore!"

35 0

Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

35 0

Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Fishing Jokes Hotel Jokes

Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

35 0

Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes