Sick and Death Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Sаinт Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Sаinт Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Sаinт Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Sаinт Peter,
"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Неll."
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty. 2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high. 3) Overcharging fees to many clients. 4) Prosecuting an... C’est un avocat qui se présente à Saint Pierre pour voir un peu si il ne pourrait pas rentrer au Paradis. Saint Pierre prend son dossier et énumère ses pêchés : 1 ) Vous avez défendu une grosse... Prawnik z Nowego Jorku, specjalizujący się w rozwodach, umarł i stanął przed perłową bramą. Święty Piotr pyta go: - Co takiego uczyniłeś, aby dostąpić zaszczytu wstąpienia do Nieba? Prawnik po...
Money jokes Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Въпрос: Saddam Hussein in a Foxhole Lion, Tiger, Lawyer, Elevator Si tu estas perdido en una isla desierta con Adolfo Hitler, Atila el Huno y un abogado y tienes una pistola con solo dos balas, ¿qué haces? R: Le disparas al abogado dos veces.
One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Hitler Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Church jokes Sick and Death Jokes Priest Jokes
Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Mexican jokes Political Jokes Sick and Death Jokes American Presidents Humor
70-годишен милионер при доктора: Докторот: 80-летний старик приходит к доктору: - я на следующей неделе опять... Ein 82-Jähriger kommt zum Doktor. Ein achtzigjähriger Mann erzählt seinem Arzt, dass er nächste Woche noch einmal heiraten möchte. Der Arzt sagt: Arzt: "Gute Frau, sie sind jetzt 92, Ihr Freund 21, da kann jeder Sexualkontakt zum Tode führen!" Worauf die alte Dame meint: "Na ja, dann stirbt er halt!"
Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Good jokes
Bill Gates died in a car accident.
He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Неll. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Неll first.”
So Bill went to Неll.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased.
“This is great!” he told God, “If this is Неll, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice but not as enticing as Неll.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.
“Hmm, I think I prefer Неll” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Неll.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Неll.
When God arrived in Неll, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment,
“This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver”.
Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes God Jokes Computer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes