Most popular jokes

Inside a Best Buy store.
Customer:
"Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder."
Coworker:
"We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?"
Customer:
"Collard greens."

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Yo' Mama is so dumb, she got fired from a вlоw job.

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Yo Momma Jokes

Old programmers never die, they just abend.
On a beautiful day like this, it's hard to believe anybody can be unhappy; but we will work on it.
On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will never decrease.
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. - Elbert Hubbard
One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow.
One of those days? I have one of those lives.
One seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.

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Monday jokes Programmer Jokes

Yo mama so ugly when she tried to flirt her face went inside out.

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Yo Momma Jokes Flirt jokes Ugly Jokes

Yo momma’s so fат, her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.

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Yo Momma Jokes

Why does Santa have such a big sac?
Because he only сuмs once a year

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Jokes

A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard.
"Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked.
"Can you describe it?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Weather jokes

What's the difference between Big Ben and Tic Tok?
One tells time, the other wastes time.

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One-Liner Jokes

Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me,...
So from now I'm going to concentrate on getting taller!

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One-Liner Jokes

When a small village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.
Randall, an older man, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said. "We can use it for all them false alarms!"

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One-Liner Jokes

Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?
The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Why did the соw cross the road?
So he could pass the milkyway.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says,
"Is my wife here?"
His wife replies,
"Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you."
The man goes, "Are my children here?"
"Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars.
"Come to bed, darling," she whispered after some time had passed.
"Not likely," replied the blonde groom, "my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it."

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Blonde Jokes

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"

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Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You моrоn! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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Blonde Jokes

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wifekept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of -first, the truck, the car, playing golf 'Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. WhenI arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into thehouse. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handedher a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass,you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day a blonde walked into a barber shop and asked for a hair cut. when the barber asked her how she wanted it she said any way, just don't take of my headphones. She went into the barber shop every day for a month and told the barber the same thing every day. One day the barber decided to see what would happen when he took off the headphones. When he did the blonde grabbed her neck then fell over dead. When the barber listened to the headphones they were saying breathe in breathe out....

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Blonde Jokes Hairdresser Jokes

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said,
"You know how fast you were going, boy?"
Bob thought for a second and said,
"Uh, 60?"
"67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled and said in his sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire and said,
"You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish, and said,
"What kind of job would a вuм like you have?"
"I'm a rестuм stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What did you say, boy?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rестuм stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked,
"What does a rестuм stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked,
"What the hеll do you do with a six-foot assh*le?"
Bob said,
"You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"

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Lawyer Jokes

Do you know how cold the weather was today? It was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Most Popular Jokes