Most popular jokes

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?"
The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"

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Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs.
Apparently none of them could sing, either.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Life Jokes

The doctor gave me one year to live.
So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
And the judge gave me 15 years.
Problem solved.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Prison Jokes Stupid Jokes

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a рussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hеll, threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could рее,
Last was a sailor, dirтy little runt, he suскеd it and fuскеd it, and called it a сunт.

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Sailor Jokes

Chuck Norris once entered a black hole just to see what was in it. Dissapointed, he then walked out.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Two girls were comparing boyfriends.
"Mine's the best," said the first.
"I call him Seven-Up because he's 7 inches long and he's always up!"
"Oh yeah," exclaimed the other, "I call my boyfriend Jack Daniel's because he's the best hard licker there is!"

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Friendship Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A police officer pulled a young woman over for speeding and politely asked to see her license.
"Why don't you cops get your act together," she said in a huff.
"Yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you!"

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:
"Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied:
"Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes

I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter.
When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females."
Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference.
He said: "Three were on a вееr can and two were on the phone."

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

Patient to doctor: "On the top of your prescription these words are printed: We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?"
Doctor: "Pay me. I will send it."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes God Jokes

Q: What is the difference between northern and southerner fairytales?
A: Northerner starts off with "Once upon a time..." a southerner starts with "listen to this shiт..."

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my вееr.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your вuтт kicked on Cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific.
The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking?
You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of сrаск, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm?
That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Beer Jokes

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hеll does that burn!

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Is it true that 5 minutes of laugh prolongs your life by 5 minutes?
It depends who you are laughing at – it may as well shorten it...

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Life Jokes

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Prison Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?"
Doctor: "How old are you now?"
Patient: "40"
Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?"
Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice."
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.
Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.
Heidi was game and a very nice sеxuаl relationship began.
After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour."
Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?"
Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.
The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?"
Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.
Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man."
Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.
Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?"
Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil."
So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fuскing!"

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Yo Momma's so fат that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in. "

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes Weather jokes

A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar.
And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Car and driving jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

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School Jokes

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