Most Popular Jokes

Борец се застоява пред кафе-машина. Добивка Кафанската пејачка и автоматот за кафе Blonde Luck The soda machine στο μηχάνημα του καφέ Ρέντα... Αυτόματο καφέ Ein Österreicher kommt zu einem Coca Cola Automaten und wirft eine Münze ein. Die Maschine spuckt ein Coca Cola aus. Un atlante se encuentra en un casino de Las Vegas frente a una máquina de sodas. El Atlante introduce unas monedas, presiona un botón, y recibe una soda. Vuelve a introducir otras monedas, y recibe otra soda. Y vuelve a introducir otras monedas, y recibe otra soda más. Un señor se acerca y le... Steht ein Mann vor einem Brötchenautomat und zieht sich die ganze Zeit Brötchen. Da kommt ein anderer vorbei und sagt: "Hör auf damit, was bringt das?" Antwortet der andere: "Jetzt aufhören? Bei der Glückssträhne?" C'est un Belge qui marche dans la rue. Il passe devant un distributeur de boissons et s'arrête, stupéfait. "Tiens, alors comme c'est bizarre, à quoi ça peut bien servir ??" Il fout une pièce,... Sune står vid en smörgåsautomat och stoppar i krona efter krona. Kön växer bakom honom och när han plockar upp ut sin elfte smörgås säger en uppretad herre: - Hörru du är det inte dags att sluta... A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course... Stoi blondynka przed automatem do coca coli, kupuje i kupuje - robi się kolejka, w końcu zniecierpliwieni ludzie zadają pytanie: - Co pani tam tak długo robi? Na to blondynka odpowiada: - Przecież... O português chegou na máquina de refrigerantes, colocou uma ficha, e pegou a latinha. Depois botou outra ficha e pegou outra latinha. Depois botou outra ficha e pegou outra latinha. Meia hora... Era una rubia que llega al casino por primera vez y lo primero que ve es una máquina de coca-cola donde un señor pone una moneda de un euro, recoge la lata y se va. La rubia saca un euro, mete la... Un Belge met des pièces dans un distributeur de boissons. Pour avoir des bouteilles de Coca-Cola. Une queue s'est formé derrière lui et on lui demande s'il a bientôt terminé. Il répond: - Tant que... Przed automatem z wodą sodową stoi blondynka. Wrzuca monetę, czeka aż szklanka napełni się wodą, wypija, wrzuca monetę i tak bez końca. Ludzie stojący za nią w kolejce niecierpliwią się. - Niech...
One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes
Bar and Bartender Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” — Irv Kupcinet “Growing up, Christmas was always about me, and eventually you, when I finally started to enjoy the giving part. But Thanksgiving is always about us.” — Rosecrans Baldwin My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes ... but I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey."
"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet. What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween? Gobble-ins! Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks! “If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.” — Frank A. Clark If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! “Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.” - Tom Swyers “I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” - Robert Brault
Halloween Jokes Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORECustomer: Hi. How much is your paint?Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
====
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINECustomer: Hi, how much is your paint?Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.Customer: Depends on what?Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.Customer: How about giving me an average price?Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.Customer: What's the difference in the paint?Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 version?Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.Customer: You've got to be kidding!Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there.Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12.Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking!Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.Customer: What?Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.
Friday jokes
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food."
the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along!
And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!"
the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
Food Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes
Полицай към арестант: A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!" Съдията: - Всичко, което кажете ще се използва срещу вас! Подсъдимият: - Цици. Bryster En mand bliver arresteret af en kvindelig betjent. Hun informere ham om: “ – Alt hvad du siger og gør kan og vil blive brugt mod dig”. Manden siger så: “Bryster!” Sulaikytas jaunuolis. Policininkas sako: - Viskas, ką pasakysite, bus panaudota prieš jus teisme. Jaunuolis: - Nuoga merga...
Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Boob Jokes
Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes
Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league "bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by aceiling fаn.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunк. 19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.20. Somebody hollers "Ное Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. If you have a complete set of salad bowl sand they all say Cool Whip on the side....
22. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart...
23. If your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working R.V...
24. If you thought the Una-bomber was a wrestler...
25. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table...
26. If you think a quarter horse is that ride out in front of the K-Mart...
27. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home...
28. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement...
29. If you've ever used a toilet brush as aback scratcher
30. If you've ever asked the preacher "How'sit hangin?"
31. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty...
32. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph...
33. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is...
34. If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate...
35. If you've ever been too drunк to fish.36. If you don't understand why the first 35are not funny.
Halloween Jokes