Most Popular Jokes

My wife only has sеx with me for a purpose. Last night she used meto time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, andjust as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did yousee the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sеxy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." Iwent over. Nobody was home!
A hоокеr once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sеx life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No,I hate myself now."
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That'swhen you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comesoff.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sexoffenders.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
I was such an ugly baby,when I was born the Doctor slapped myMother.
I went to see my DR, DR.Vinnie Goomba. He asked if I had this-before? I said yes. He said well you got it again.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested formooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, nакеd. I asked"Why?".He said "Because you came home early."
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I'm not sеxy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit- of-the-Loom guys giggling.
At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sеx; she called me from Chicago last night.
Sex Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dog jokes
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes
A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife and gave her "the look".
Whispering under her breath, the wife says, "No darling, we can't do it here, our kid is watching!"
Husband replies, "You're right, lets go to the beach."
After a while they make their way to the beach, they start to make love on an empty beach. All of a sudden, a policeman walks up to them. "Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public!"
Embarrassed, the husband admits, "You are right, but I had a moment of weakness. We hadn't seen each other for an entire week. Now, I'm a policeman too, and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."
The cop thought for a second and said, "Don't worry... you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this b**** making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay."
Police Officer Jokes Hotel Jokes
Sex Jokes Lawyer Jokes
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull in to the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hоокеr blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Halloween Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes
A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.
"Sir, we don't stop at Victoria."
"But I have to get off there!"
"Well, there might be one thing I can do. I might be able to get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."
"Will that work?"
"It's worth a try."
As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running in mid-air. "Run faster! Faster!" He lowers the man and the man's feet touch the platform. His shoes start to smoke! His heel comes off! He's running at 30 MPH. He's made it! He starts to slow down! The other passengers stare in amazement.
As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts the man right back into the train! As he's helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says,
"Man you're lucky I was here to help! This train doesn't even STOP in Victoria!"
Car and driving jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves. On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?" The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a вееr together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times." The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one... sets it down. Takes a drink from the second вееr... sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I don't mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?" The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just that my wife said that I couldn't go to the bar and drink anymore... but she didn't say anything about my brothers."
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes