Newest jokes - Page 2567

Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.

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Whats the definition of vаginа?
The box a реnis comes in.

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Sex Jokes

An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies,
"I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some рussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son... While I get my hat!"

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes

A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy.
A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks.
He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vомiт and says,
"Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

Chuck Norris once had a yard sale of his old childhood items such as his baby rattle, frisbee, and his class ring. We know these lucky buyers as Thor, Captain America, and the Green Lantern.

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Chuck Norris Jokes USA Jokes Military Jokes Superhero Jokes

While Bill waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune. He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed:
“You weigh 195 pounds, you are married and you’re on your way to San Diego.” Bill stood there dumbfounded.
Another man put in a quarter and the computer read:
“You weigh 184 pounds, you’re divorced, and you’re on your way to Chicago.” Bill said to the man, “Are you divorced and on our way to Chicago?” “Yes.” Replied the man.
Bill was amazed. Then he rushed to the men’s room, changed his clothes and put on dark
Glasses. He went to the machine again. The computer read:
“You still weigh 195 pounds, you’re still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Men jokes Aviation Jokes

Do you know why the Earth's spinning ?
Because Chuck Norris is running on it.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What does Barbie use as a тамроn?
A Tic-Tac.

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Dirty jokes

Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-day!

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Animal Jokes

Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.

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Blonde Jokes

What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV?
His son running away with your VCR.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds.
The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his ваlls weighed five pounds.
All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, "We don't know what to do with this baby."
So the chief surgeon took one look and said,
"You should put him into a mental institution."
"Why?' asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him.
The boy is obviously half nuts."

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes Boss Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Coffee Jokes

Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second…

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Money jokes God Jokes

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked,
"Grandpa are you going to take that new Viаgrа?"
Grandpa, caught off-guard, looks at him and says,
"No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why not?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies,
"Well Johnny, because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."

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Little Johnny Jokes Old People Jokes Viagra jokes

Wife:
"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband:
"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife:
"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor."
Husband:
"You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife:
"In the pool."

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Marriage and Family Jokes

What do you call a women who does as much work as a man?
A lazy b*tch.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason

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Money jokes

Do you like soda? Because I would mount and dew you.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes

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