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Latest Jokes

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a соndом. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do - sсrеw him?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.
So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"
The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law."

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Men vs Women Jokes

While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest реnis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge реnis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the реnis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: My zipper.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

A very hоrny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have sеx with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away.
One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her.
She says, "I'll do anything to repay you."
The man says, "Can you help me catch that dамn monkey?"

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Men vs Women Jokes

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom-" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

Two blondes find a mirror on the sidewalk.The first blonde picks it up, looks into it and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before."
The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it and says, "Duh! Of course you have - that's me!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic.
Her husband told her to prove it. She said watch, ''Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my воовs biggest of all.'' Sure enough, they grew huge. The husband was amazed and said, "Ooh, oooh, let me try! Mirror, mirror show me more, make my diск touch the floor.'' His legs fell off.

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Men vs Women Jokes Boob Jokes

A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Got Milk?
A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He wanted a tan without a tan line, so he went up on his roof and stripped. He fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn everywhere, even on his d**k. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date.
The blonde comes over, and they make dinner. They're watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's d**k really starts to hurt. He excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his d**k to alleviate the burn. The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Why'd they create the microwave?
So blondes could cook, too!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

What do mice and men have in common?
They both run around hunting for holes!

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Men vs Women Jokes

A man walks up to a stranger in the street.
"Do you like рussy cats?" said the stranger.
"Yeah, I do," said the man. "But how did you know my name was 'Katz?''

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Men vs Women Jokes

Have you ever read that married men live longer than single men?
What they don't tell you is that married men are much more willing to die.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: Every woman who has one doesn't know why.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: How many men does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to actually do the sсrеwing and four others to brag that they did.

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Men vs Women Jokes

How are men like lightbulbs?
You have to sсrеw both of them to get a response!

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why is a man's рее yellow and his sреrм white?
A: So he can tell if he's coming or going.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: They don't have a реnis to put them in!

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Men vs Women Jokes

Men Are Here Because...
Why did God create man?Because vibrators can't mow the lawn!

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Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes