Newest jokes - Page 308

What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster?
10% off for bringing your own сrавs.

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Dirty jokes

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it.
Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks.
So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a вееr and he ask the Bartender about the contest.
The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free вееr on the house.
So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing!
EEEHHH!
He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of вееr.
As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?"
The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career."
So the next night.
The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse:
Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free вееr from the house.
The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one."
The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something.
The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying.
When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says."
Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?"
The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my реnis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink.
Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.
One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.
The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."
The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."
And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels."
The others say "Hey!
That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!".
She says "That's My Georgie!!"

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Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

Q:What's black on top of white?
A: Rape
Q:What's white on top of black?
A: Society

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors."
Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"

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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Angry geek dad shouted to kid, "End of discussion; Semicolon;"

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Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes Dad Jokes

The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"

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School Jokes Math Jokes

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
"Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked.
"Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings."

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Customer service jokes

An old lady has asked her priest: "please, tell me, what do you think, will I go after my death to Heaven or to Неll?"
Because the priest has heard this question already at least million times before, so he has decided to tell the old lady the last and final answer, so he has asked her: "and do you still have your own teeth?"
The old lady has said: "no, I have only a dental plate."
The priest has told her: "now, you can see, now, you can see, you will go surely to Heaven because in Неll you can hear only crying and gnashing of the teeth."

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Old People Jokes Priest Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Donald Trump Jokes American Presidents Humor

A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes IT jokes Geek jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything.
We called him 9/12.

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Religion jokes Kids Jokes College jokes Terrorist jokes

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes wееd?
A: Han So-high

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Drug Jokes Weed Jokes

Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."

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Business jokes Customer service jokes

Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!

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Animal Jokes

Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Military Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Programmer Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes Baby Jokes

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his аss.

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Cannibal Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Boycott Jokes Rude Jokes

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