Newest jokes - Page 323

Q: How do you know when a man's going to say something intelligent?
A: He starts his sentence with "My wife told me... ."

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A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief.
The woman says, "Sir, that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."
He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to оrgаsм every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, says with sympathy, "Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it?"
"Pepper," he answers.

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Men vs Women Jokes Aviation Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: Who made the first soft drink?
A: Adam - he made Eve's cherry pop.

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Men vs Women Jokes Religion jokes

Three bored girls are sitting around, and one of them suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
The first girl says, "I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause seven days a week, he's up."
The second girl answers, "I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."
The third girl replies, "Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."
Her friends argue, "You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop, and you're talking about a hard liquor."
The third girl says, "Exactly."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What's a blonde's definition of socialism?
A: Partying!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You don't know when it's going to come, how many inches you'll get or how long it'll last.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Weather jokes

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head first.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

"Doctor, everytime I sneeze I have an оrgаsм!"
"Are you doing anything for it?"
"Snorting pepper."

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Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What kind of birth control do snakes use?
A: Anacondoms.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sеx. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes American Presidents Humor

A man relaxes with his evening paper when he hears a light knock on the door. He opens it, looks down and sees a small snail.
"Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail asks. The man picks up the snail, throws him into the bushes and goes back to reading.
A year later, there is another knock at the door. It's the snail again.
"What'd you do that for?"

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Men vs Women Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: Why didn't Smokey the Bear have cubs?
A: Every time his wife got hot, he stomped her out.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why do brides smile while they walk down the wedding aisle?
A: They realize they've given their last вlоw jobs.

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

A lady walks into the local record store.
"Do you have Jingle Bells on the old 12 inch?" she asks.
"No, but I've got dangling ваlls and a 7-inch," says the sмаrтаss behind the counter. The lady thinks for a second.
"Is that a record?"
"I think so. I'm only 14."

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Men vs Women Jokes

What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Sue and Sally were discussing their sеx lives.
Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?"
Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M."
Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I маsтurвате."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

A nun was walking down the corridor when suddenly she trips up.
She yells out in pain, "Oh Сhrisт! Oh God, I said Сhrisт! Oh s**t, I said God! Oh, f**k, I said s**t! Oh, who wants to be a f**king nun anyway?"

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Men vs Women Jokes

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.
He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, she answered,
''Yes, we use it when we have sеxuаl inтеrсоursе.''
The interviewer was amazed. He said,
''I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sеxuаl inтеrсоursе, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?''
''We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.''

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Men vs Women Jokes

How are a blonde's legs like automatic doors?
You walk toward them and they open!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

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