Newest jokes - Page 439

Two gаy men are walking down the street trying to вuм a ride.
A truck driver picks them up.
After a while the first gаy man asked in a very gаy voice, "Please sir can I fаrт?"
The truck driver then says, "Yeah sure who cares."
So the gаy guy goes "РООF".
Then the second gаy man asks if he can fаrт. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gаy man went ''рооf''.
Then the big truck driver goes to the gаy men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fаrт?"
The gаy men say right on and the truckdriver lets it вlоw.
The fаrт was huge and smelly and loud.
The gаy men then say, "He is obviously a virgin."

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Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied.
"They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

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Friendship Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Superhero Jokes

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Dаrn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Weather jokes

Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.

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Life Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes

They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but lawyers can find you anywhere.

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Lawyer Jokes Office and Work Jokes

There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up.
He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rестuм.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"

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Church jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

There were a few ducks in the park blowing bubbles, and a police officer gave them a ticket. They went to court and the first duck went in to see the judge. The judge asks, "What is ur name and why are you here?" The duck said, "My name is quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in a park." The judge said, "That's not a сriме, ur free to leave. please send the next duck in." So the next duck comes in and the judge asks, "What is ur name and why are you here?" The duck says "My name is quack quack quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the park." The judge replied, "That's not a сriме ur free to go. Please send the next duck in." So the third duck comes in and the judge says, "Let me guess ur name is quack quack quack and ur here for blowing bubbles I'm the park?" The duck says "No, my name is bubbles."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Baby Jokes

The Реnis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
Has to work hard
Has to work at great depths
Has to work upside down
Has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work
Has to work in a high humidity environment
Has to work at high temperatures
Does not get weekends and holidays off
Does not get time off after extra hours of work
Has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness
Request denied for the following reasons:
Does not work 8 hours in a row
Does not answer immediately to all requests
After a short activity period, falls asleep at work
Shows no fidelity to the workplace
Retires too early
Does not work at all unless pushed from behind
Does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work
Sometimes leaves work, too early

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Office and Work Jokes

The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunк and have dirтy feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up. That's a good vacation.

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Blue Collar Jokes

Stages of a beard:
1.) Sеxy
2.) Stubble
3.) Sea captain
4.) Prisoner of war
5.) Homeless person
6.) Wizard

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Military Jokes

Stable relationships are for horses.

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One-Liner Jokes Relationship Jokes

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "God Dамn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Сrар, a talkin muffin!"

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God Jokes

Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs.
This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Science jokes Dinosaur jokes

Remember kids if a stranger offers you drugs. Say thank you, because drugs are expensive.

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Kids Jokes

Recently a cartoonist was found dead at home. The details are sketchy.

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Life Jokes

Quit my job working for Nike.
I just couldn't do it anymore.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!

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Animal Jokes Easter Jokes

Q: Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

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Blonde Jokes Hunting Jokes Easter Jokes

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