Latest Jokes

Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes Dog jokes Coffee Jokes
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.The lawyer's first question was,
"Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"
The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished."
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn.Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the County bury her!"
Judge and Court Jokes Banker Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Two small boys met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a... Deux enfants à l’école : - Moi mon père, il est comptable, et toi ? - Le mien est avocat. - Il est honnête ? - Non, seulement avocat. Kaksi alle kouluikäistä poikaa, sattuivat keskustelemaan eläintarhassa eräänä päivänä. - Minun nimeni on Pekka. Mikä sinun nimesi on? kysyi ensimmäinen poika. - Tommi, vastasi toinen. - Minun isi...
Medical and Doctor Jokes Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Military Jokes Lawyer Jokes American Presidents Humor
-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
-- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.
-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
-- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
-- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.
-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.
-- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there
Monday jokes
Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates.
A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Sаinт Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, 'Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you.'
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the lawyer sheepishly looks at Sаinт Peter and says 'Sаinт Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.'
'Congratulations for what?' says Sаinт Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty.
'We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!'
The lawyer is awestruck and can only look at Sаinт Peter with his mouth wide open.
When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Sаinт Peter and says 'Sаinт Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty.'
'That's simply impossible son,' says Sаinт Peter. 'We've added up your time sheets.'
A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’... - En ung mekaniker kom op til Sct. Peter, der spurgte om mandens alder. - Jeg er 32, svarede mekanikeren. - Hør! Her er da noget galt, sagde Sct. Peter. Ifølge dine arbejdssedler, så er du 71…
Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Friendship Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes