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Liar Sermon Το ευαγγέλιο Завършва църковната служба, свещеникът обявява: Un dimanche, à la messe, le curé dit: - La semaine prochaine, je ferai mon sermon sur le mensonge. Pour en savoir plus sur ce pêché, je vous invite à lire l'évangile selon St Marc, chapitre 17. Le dimanche suivant, alors qu'il s'apprête à monter en chaire pour le prêche, le curé pose la question:... Pastori lopetti saarnansa kertoen seuraavan sunnuntain saarnassaan käsittelevänsä valheen syntiä. Sitä varten hän kehotti kaikkia lukemaan ennalta Markuksen evankeliumin 17. luvun. Seuraavana... A prédikátor a mise végén így szól a gyülekezethez: - Jövő héten a hazugságról lesz szó. Addig olvassátok el Márk könyvének 17-ik fejezetét! Következő héten így szól a hívekhez: - Emelje fel a... Kněz praví na mši svým věřícím: "Příští neděli budu kázat o lži a chci, abyste si všichni přečetli sedmnáctou kapitolu Markova evangelia." O týden později se před kázáním ptá z kazatelny, kdo... Sveštenik je završio dugačku nedeljnu misu rečima: - "Sledeće nedelje, glavna tema moje besede biće greh laganja. Da biste lakše shvatili moju narednu besedu, želim da svi do naredne nedelje...
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Интелигенција Η Εξυπνάδα “Daddy, I inherited my intelligence from you, didn’t I? ” Die Tochter: "Du Papa, die Intelligenz hab ich von dir." Darauf der Papa: "Das freut mich ja sehr, dass du das sagst, aber wie kommst du denn darauf?" "Na, die Mama hat ihre ja noch!" Le petit gars demande a son père :  - Papa, quand je suis venu au monde, qui m'a donné mon intelligence ? - C'est sûrement ta mère répond le père, car moi j'ai encore la mienne. Papa, quand je suis né qui m’a donné mon intelligence ? Sans doute ta mère parce que, moi, j’ai encore la mienne ! - Papa, de qui je tiens mon intelligence ? - De ta mère ! Moi, la mienne, je l'ai toujours... Een getrouwd stel zitten samen op de bank. Vraagt de vrouw aan de man “Van wie zou onze dochter toch haar intelligentie hebben? Antwoordt de man “Ik denk toch echt van jouw, ik heb de mijne... A criança pergunta ao pai: — Papai, quando eu vim ao mundo, quem me deu minha inteligência? — Com certeza tua mãe, já que eu ainda tenho a minha... Küçük Mahmut derslerine çok iyi çalışıyordu, sonuç olarak daima sınıfın birincisiydi. Babasının bu işe çok sevindiğini söylemeye gerek yok. O akşam baba oğlanın getirdiği pekiyilerle dolu... Llega una niña corriendo con su mamá y le pregunta: - ¡Mamá, mamá! - ¿Qué hija? - Yo de quién saqué la inteligencia, ¿de ti o de papá? Y ella le contesta: - De tu papá. Y la niña le dice: - ¿Por... Era una niña, saliendo de la escuela, apresurada llegó con su mamá, y le preguntó: - ¡Mamá, mamá! Soy muy inteligente, ¿podrías decirme de quién heredé la inteligencia? A lo que le respondió su... Vraagt de vrouw aan de man : "Van wie heeft onze dochter haar intelligentie?" Zegt de man: "Natuurlijk van jou, ik heb het mijne nog..." A gyerek kérdezi otthon az apját: - Apu! Az eszemet melyikőtöktől örököltem? - Biztosan anyádtól fiam, mert az enyém még megvan!
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Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says:
"When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila.
He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar.
He turns to the other mice and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home.
In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this вullshiт.
I gotta go home and f*uck the cat."
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- Баскетбол - боулинг - тенис - голф… After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:
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Der Flugkapitän ist Jude. Sein Co-Pilot ist Chinese. Един китаец си седи в бар и кротко си пийва биричка. A Chinese man and his Jewish friend were walking along one day when the Jewish man whirled and slugged the Chinese man and knocked him down. Заходит еврей в кабак, смотрит, там китаец сидит. Un juif et un chinois sont calmement aussi sur un banc dans un parc. Un piloto chino y un copiloto judio comparten un vuelo por primera vez. Desde el principio se nota cierta antipatia, a lo que el chino le pregunta: Самолет излетял от летището в Лос Анджелис под контрола на еврейски пилот. Неговият помощник-пилот бил китаец. Това бил първият път, когато те летяли заедно, а неловкото мълчание между двамата показало взаимния неприязън. n jude und ein chinese sitzen auf einer parkbank und lesen eine zeitung. auf einmal steht der jude auf und verpruegelt den chinesen dass es schlimmer nicht mehr geht. er nimmt ihn so richtig in die mangel. als er fertig ist, setzt er sich wieder und liest weiter seine zeitung. als der chinese... No trem, viajavam no mesmo compartimento um filipino e um judeu americano. Lá pelas tantas, o judeu avança e cobre o filipino de porrada. — Isto é por Pearl Harbor! — Diz o judeu americano. — Mas... An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get... Estavam viajando em um trem um judeu e um filipino. O filipino cochilou e o judeu se levantou da cadeira e começou a esmurrar o pobre do filipino. Acordando assustado o filipino perguntou: - Mas... Um judeu americano encontra um oriental e lhe dá uma tremenda surra. — Seu cretino! Seu covarde! - grita o judeu. Isso é por Pearl Harbour! O oriental não entendeu nada. — Para com isso! Pearl...
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Екстра-големи кондоми Extra-Large Condoms Огромен презерватив и блондинка Младо момиче влезнало в аптека и попитало продавача: A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He... Kommt eine Frau in eine Apotheke und erkundigt sich nach Kondomen in Übergröße. Der Apotheker will wissen, ob und wie viele sie haben will und sie antwortet: "Eigentlich keine, aber macht es ihnen... Una mujer muy ansiosa llega a una farmacia y pregunta: - ¿Usted vende condones extra largos? - Si, claro. ¿Cuantos quiere? - Yo, ninguno. Pero si no le importa, me gustaría sentarme aquí a esperar... Una donna entra in farmacia e chiede se hanno dei preservativi formato extra-large. Il farmacista le risponde prontamente: - “Certo che ne abbiamo! Ne vuole una scatola?” - “No... ma le... Intră o fată drăguţă la farmacie şi întreabă: - Aveţi prezervative foarte mari de vânzare? - Desigur că avem, vreţi să cumpăraţi? - Nu, dar vă supăraţi dacă am să aştept aici până intră cineva să... Młoda dziewczyna pyta w aptece: - Czy są duże prezerwatywy? - Tak, chce pani kupić? - Nie, ale czy mogę zaczekać, aż ktoś będzie kupował?
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