INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN ..
Q: What does HMO stand for?
A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges,who discovered that a patient could be made to forgetabout the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q: I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctorI want?
A: Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Yourinsurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into twocategories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longerparticipating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has anoffice just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country.
Q: Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A: No. Only those you need.
Q: Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A: You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q: My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the namebrand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. Whatshould I do?
A: Poke yourself in the eye.
Q: What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A: You really shouldn't do that.
Q: I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform aheart transplant right in his office?
A: Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.
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