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Latest Jokes

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Реnis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Management Jokes Friendship Jokes Baby Jokes

little Johnny: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.
little Johnny: Well, you could try.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.
They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little оrаl sеx will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy.
Besides it's worth a try.
The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate.
The nurses run into the room.
The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes Nurse jokes

Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.

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Dark Humor Jokes Terrorist jokes

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.
While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus.' 'Forget the bonus,' the turkey said, 'All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?'

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Sports Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes

"My wife suffers from a drinking problem."
"Oh is she an alcoholic?"
"No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding. "

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Make My Day Laughs Wedding jokes Father's Day Jokes Dad Jokes

Why'd the Mexican army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo?
There was only two vans.

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Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Military Jokes

Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?
"Ask your sister"
"I don't have a..."

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Dark Humor Jokes Dad Jokes

The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?"
I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Q: Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?
A: Because they take things. Literally.

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Communication Jokes

Wanna hear a pencil joke? Ugh, nevermind, it's pointless.

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Jokes

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

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Police Officer Jokes

Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."
Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

My six pack is protected by a layer of fат.

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Fitness jokes

What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
An auditor.

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Accountant Jokes What do you call jokes

"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."

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Money jokes Business jokes Accountant Jokes Superhero Jokes

Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.”
Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery.
I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid.
”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”.
”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hеll of a fight!”

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Men jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirтy!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Church jokes