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Two blondes were talking in heaven, they were discussing how they died. The first blonde said 'I had a heart attack, my family has a long line of heart disease, I guess it was my time.' The second blonde said ' oh.. I froze to death, it was NOT the way I wanted to die, its too late now.' 'the first blonde asked, 'what is it like to freeze to death?' 'It is cold, but soon its kinda peaceful, once you know you're dying. What happened before you had your heart attack? 'the first blonde answered ' I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I went home early. my car is really old, so my husband probably could hear me pull into the driveway. That give his girlfriend plenty of time to hide. when I walked into the house, it was quiet. I ran up to out bedroom and found my husband watching tv in bed. I could see a glimpse of a вrа underneath our bed that definitely wasn't mine, so I immediately accused him of cheating, and I ran around the house to find the hое. I checked in every room, but when I got to the attic, I had a heart attack that instantly killed me.' the second blonde moaned 'shame, if you had only looked in the freezer, we would both still be alive.'
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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said.
"But what is so exciting about a period."
"I don't know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one and Daddy totally freaked out and Mommy fainted"
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While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, веnт open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "Fuск you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.
The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage.
Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat.
The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same.
Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.
The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid."
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