Newest jokes - Page 60

Why does a реnis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.

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Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom."
"Why, what's his new job?"
"He's an embalmer."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes

They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whоrе!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whоrе? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"

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Cheating Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.

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Technology Jokes

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours.
I sure would like a piece of cake after though!
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes

A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes Sexist Jokes Cyclist Humor

A sеxy girl looks at the big вееr belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?
There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?

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Sex Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

The United States Army will be making a new movie...
They'll be shooting in Iraq!

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Political Jokes Military Jokes

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$.
Swearing for the situation he goes to a taxi driver and asks:
I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.
Fuck off, no money, no ride.
The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra.
Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.
He goes to the first taxi and says:
Will you take me home for 100$
Sure!
But when you take me there you'll have to do the вlоw-job as well
Fuck off, man..
The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats.
Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:
Will you take me home for 100$?
Sure!
Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

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Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Are shellfish warm?
No they re clammy.

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Animal Jokes

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

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Animal Jokes

Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.

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Animal Jokes

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

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Men jokes Dirty jokes

You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.

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Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

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Relationship Jokes Office and Work Jokes

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.
He turned on the jockey.
"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.

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Hipster Jokes

Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.

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Office and Work Jokes April Fools' Jokes

Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.

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Prison Jokes Life Jokes

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