Newest jokes

How do you make holy water? Freeze it into ice, then drill in some holes.

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Why did the singer take a bucket to her choir practice?
She needed something to carry her tune.

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What would you call a clock covered in chocolate?
Food around the clock.

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Other than “It’s fine,” what other life threats do women use?

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Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator?
No? Me neither, I took the stairs.

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Do you know what my dream job is?
[No]
Cashier. Women are literally lining up for you.

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How do you recognize a gynecologist?
He usually wears his watch closer to his elbow.

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Dad Jokes | Gynaecology Jokes, Gynaecologist Jokes

There’s an evil rumor going around that I’m a hаrdсоrе gambler. I don’t know what ваsтаrd is spreading such lies, but I’d bet serious money on it being Mike.

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It really makes me mad when I hear idiots saying that women belong in the kitchen. Such сrар. Who would clean the rest of the house?!

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Dark Humor | Anti-Humor Jokes

Doctor:
“Do you do sports?”
Patient:
“Does sеx count?”
Doctor:
“Yes.”
Patient:
“Then no.”

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Patient:
“Doctor, I just feel so invisible, ignored… Like I didn’t even exist…”
Doctor:
“Next!”

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(Girl to a guy standing on the railing in the middle of a tall bridge)
“No! Please don't jump!”
(pulls out phone and turns on camera)
“OK, go ahead!”

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What does a cannibal say to the waiter in a restaurant on a cruise ship?
“Please bring me the passenger list.”

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My father fell asleep in front of the TV.
I put a picture of our female neighbor, some tissues and a рот of Vaseline next to him. Let's see how my mother reacts.

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- Am I beautiful, George?
- You’re like the Sun! It’s painful looking at you.

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I saw my wife at the dam yesterday.
Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

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Kamikaze pilot instructor:
“OK, listen up, and listen up closely. I don’t want to have to repeat myself to you again tomorrow!”

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Husband approaches his wife, “Jenny, I think I have a problem.”
Jenny smiles at him kindly, “Darling, your problems are my problem also. Trouble shared is trouble halved. Tell me.”
“OK, “ says the husband, “in that case, we got the neighbor pregnant.”

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