An American calls his Russian friend, “Ilya, I just saw on TV that you have this horrible cold wave, are you OK?”
Ilya replies, “Yeah, sure, we’re fine, it’s not that cold…”
American:
“But they said you have like -40 F over there!”
Ilya:
“Nah, it’s more like 5, that’s normal for a winter.”
American:
“Are you sure? They were showing totally frozen trees, roads covered in ice…”
Ilya:
“Ah I get it! You mean outside!!”
A new psychiatrist is making rounds, getting acquainted with his new patients, and asks one of them, “So how did you get here, anyways, Mr. Schleppel?”
“Well, doctor, it started with me getting married, a thing I never should have done. I married a widow with an adult daughter who thus became my step-daughter.
When my father came to visit us at Thanksgiving, he fell in love with her and they eventually married. So my step-daughter became my step-mother. Then my wife gave birth to our son who of course was my father’s brother-in-law, because he was the brother of his wife. And because my step-daughter was my step-mother, my son was also my uncle. That means that my wife, being the mother of my step-mother, is my grandmother and I am her grandson. But that’s not everything, because I’m married to my step-grandmother, I’m not only her husband and grandson, but also my own grandfather. I think that’s enough to make anybody go nuts, wouldn’t you agree?”