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Latest Jokes

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that dамn gun..."

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Church jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Priest Jokes

Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."

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Political Jokes Life Jokes

Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job.
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!

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Masturbation jokes Sports Jokes Men jokes Hotel Jokes

Q: Why is divorce so costly?
A: Because its justified, despite all the trouble.

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Divorce Jokes Money jokes

My mates call me gаy because I can’t stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute.
I’d like to see them try it with high heels on.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

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Halloween Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Holiday Jokes Pirate Jokes

This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day.
But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess.
Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me:
Mother:
"You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!"
Me:
"You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!"
Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!

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Wedding jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Mother's Day Jokes

Sеx at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

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Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

Раddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”. Раddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

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Irish jokes

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

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Business jokes School Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

Q: You know what would make America great again?
A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes USA Jokes Mexican jokes Hipster Jokes

Q: How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
A: 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

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Jewish Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Rude Jokes

Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.

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Mexican jokes Sports Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A Psychic buying clothes..
Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small.
Employee: You didn’t even try it on.
Psychic: I’m a medium.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What happens if someone steals uranium?
It becomes theiranium.

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Funny Riddles

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

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Drug Jokes

'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Life Jokes

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?”

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: “What do you do for a living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendant: “Wait! When will I get out?”

Judge: “Sooner or later.”

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes

One day YouTube, Twitter and Facebook will merge and be known as YouTwitFace :)

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Facebook Jokes Social Network Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.

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Christmas Jokes Religion jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes